(Photo by Hew Burney | SpyOnVegas.com)

See? This is what happens when you don’t pack enough food or women to withstand a shipwreck.

By Jason Scavone

Band photo or Match.com ad? YOU DECIDE.

“Next Big Thing” and “Cat & Mouse” duo Nikki and Rich hit the stage at The Bank inside Bellagio tonight. On their MySpace page, Nikki and Rich describe themselves as “Lauryn Hill meets The Supremes while hanging out with Alicia Keys listening to Outkast ‘Hey Yah’ (sic).” So, basically their musical style is every musical style ever, with the notable exception of klezmer music. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Al Powers | SpyOnVegas.com)

Here’s your proof that banging blonde twins can make you younger. And give you DJ skills in the process.

By Jason Scavone

America’s favorite author. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Lauren Conrad — about the only Hills girl not to comment on Heidi Montag’s surgical remodeling, which is a bummer because we could’ve used a nice dose of palpable hate — hosted Friday night at The Bank inside Bellagio without boyfriend Kyle Howard.

Conrad kept quiet most of the night, but opened up when the club brought out a cake for her Feb. 1 birthday from Jean Philippe sculpted like her upcoming book, Sweet Little Lies: An L.A. Candy Novel. that comes out Feb. 2. It’s about a girl who’s friend got a reality show. And it’s a sequel to her other L.A. Candy book, which was a No. 1 New York Times bestseller. That … can’t be right, can it? Can we at least get a new bestseller list where the books are by people who might have taken an English class at community college once?

By Jason Scavone

We have a better choice for who the sex symbol is in this photo …

The Bank at Bellagio brings in 944’s Sex Symbols of Las Vegas, a crew that includes Jessica Hinton, Jason Craig, Joey Williams, Felix Cane, Jaymes Vaughan, Mila Corsunova, Alexander Christensen, Sara Bradley, Marco D’Angelo and Carey Hart. Snubbed yet again: Penn & Teller. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Roman Mendez | SpyOnVegas.com)

Things really took a turn for Team Edward once they all relocated to L.A. after senior year.

By Jason Scavone

It’s cool. We’ll let him star in the adaptation of our unicorn books.

New Moon’s Jackson Rathbone celebrates his 25th birthday at The Bank inside Bellagio tonight for the much underserved vampire/nightclub enthusiast crossover market. Or werewolves. Or whatever he’s supposed to be. Look, the point is, between wizards and vampires, we’re going to blow all that crap out of the water when we launch our new line of books for adolescent girls about a bunch of used-to-be-happy-but-now-brood-all-the-time sexually frustrated unicorns. We’ll figure out how to get dolphins who love shopping but feel awkward in their maturing dolphin bodies into the sequel. What we’re trying to say is: Feel free to start leaving canvas bags full of money on our porch. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Al Powers | SpyOnVegas.com)

Fine, we’ll pack our things and move to the North Pole. We hope you’re happy, with your obvious pro-Pole propaganda.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Al Powers | SpyOnVegas.com)

Just add two fingers of vodka and we’re in good shape here.

By Jason Scavone

You know, people used to AVOID freezing their asses off if they could.

We can’t fathom why anyone would want to go roll around in the snow voluntarily. We spent enough time in the snow to know it usually means shoveling, and spending most of your day trying not to slide off the highway into a fiery death, and nearly failing on at least half a dozen separate occasions. Regardless, The Bank at Bellagio is doing the Tahoe Takeover, where the local with the largest entourage wins a trip for 30 wins a winter getaway. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone