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  • 1212THURS: THE ROUNDUP

    BadSanta
    We’re suddenly filled with Christmas cheer. (Photo by Gabe Zapata | SPYONvegas.com)

    You’ve worked hard this holiday season. Shopping. Decorating. Getting blasted on nog. It’s time you took some time to appreciate the season for its true purpose: Girls in slutty Santa suits. Tao has you covered tonight with its Bad Santa party, offering up $5,000 for Santa’s naughtiest helper. Screw the two front teeth, this is all we want for Christmas. (more…)

    WHERE YOU’RE DRINKING ON THANKSGIVING


    We also won’t be wearing pants this Thanksgiving. (Photo by Tony Tran | SpyOnVegas.com)

    And don’t say “At home, with my family.” We all know you’re a damn liar.

    Thanksgiving is traditionally a slow week in town, which is kind of hard. It’s right when you need an outlet that doesn’t involve your great-aunt complaining about Obamacare for five goddamned minutes. You do have more options than usual this year–and you’ll have them on a night that figures to be relatively relaxed, as these things go.

    Assuming you can roust yourself from a gravy coma, Tao does its 8th Annual Terminate the Turkey night, with DJ Five holding it down. Hakkasan gets in the mix this year, with DJ Cyberkid in the main room. Haze mixes it up a little with Yo! #HazeTBT for Throwback Thansgiving as DJ Scene goes old-school. And Pure and LAX are both open for their usual Thursday business as well.

    And if you’re in more of a live music mood, the Double Down brings in The Fremonts.

    The important thing here is you drink enough to black back out after you just started coming to from your day-drinking blackout. Trust us, you really don’t want to remember what you said to your step-cousin about her fourth baby by a third father.

    LAUREN CONRAD FETES LITTLE BROTHER

    Conrad
    Is that a banana reading your menu, or are you just happy to see us? (Photos by Al Powers)

    Lauren Conrad is getting married to William Tell, and if we’ve set it once, we’ve said it a hundred times: If you’re going to get married, get married to someone who has their own overture.

    Conrad and Tell brought her little brother, Brandon Conrad, to Tao Friday night to celebrate his birthday by dressing like a banana. Lauren put in the bare minimum effort, sticking on a set of bunny ears and calling it a night. It’s literally the most disappointed we’ve ever been with anything to do with The Hills.

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    KIM, KIM’S TWO FRIENDS, DO 33RD

    KimBday
    Well hello there, motherhood. (Photo by Erik Kabik. Additional photos by Kabik, Denise Truscello)

    Kim Kardashian showed off the best thing about having a baby Friday night at her 33rd birthday party at Tao. Well, the best thing about having a baby for the rest of us, anyway.

    After the Kanye West show at MGM Grand, everyone in the fam gathered at Tao–Khloe, Kourtney, the terrifyingly single Kris, Scott Disick–along with Naya Rivera, Tyga and Blac Chyna, Jonathan Cheban, Simon Houck, Robin Antin and Chris Rock, which is vaguely disappointing for some reason.

    The club dropped 33 bottles of Ace of Spades at the table and ran a montage of Kim-at-Tao photos behind the DJ booth. Tyga jumped on stage for a bit. Faith Hill was there in a skybox, but was not expressly partying with the Kardashians.

    But the real stars of the show were Kim’s post-baby boobs. And if we were thrilled about them, just how happy was Kanye, who actually gets to touch them?

    KimBday_KanyeLeer

    He’s that happy. He’s happy enough he’s going to burn a hole in the top of her boobs just by staring that hard. Remember this. Remember this, the perfect photo of this happy marriage, when the divorce hits in 18 or so months.

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    A$AP FERG WORKS OVER TAO

    Asap
    Pictured: People in the front row ruining it for everyone behind them. (Photos by Al Powers)

    Next Big Thing A$AP Ferg was at Tao last night to blast out “Work” and “Shaba.” And then after he finished doing his songs, he leaned into the mic, took measure of the audience and said, “Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right?” At which point a pair of Elvis sunglasses and one of those Baby Carlos T-shirts instantly teleported onto him, while a yard margarita materialized in his hand.

    Congratulations, A$AP Ferg. You have been initiated.

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    1010THURS: THE ROUNDUP

    Ferg
    Paul Wall approves.

    A$AP Ferg is rolling into Tao tonight. He’s part of the A$AP Mob. Glitch Mob. Goodie Mob. A$AP Mob. Is that how we finally get into the mob? Start a hip-hop collective of some sort? Because we always thought it had something to do with sauce-stained wife-beaters and track suits. Now we’re all sorts of confused. (more…)

    MIGUEL MANAGES NOT TO KICK ANYONE

    Miguel
    Give the man some space around the leg area. (Photo by Karl Larson)

    After his Saturday-night stint at iHeartRadio, Miguel went into Tao to to do “sure Thing,” “Quickie,” “Power Trip,” “Adorn” and “Hey Ladies, Don’t Get Mad if I Accidentally Almost Decapitate One of You.” It’s a bit wordy, but it’s catchy as hell.

    Miguel also got on the New Year’s Eve bandwagon by announcing he’ll be playing Tao come the dawn of 2014, much to, we assume, the delight of Darren Criss of Glee and Pretty Little Liars‘ Lucy Hale and Shay Mitchell in the crowd.

    In other Tao news, the New York club is opening Tao Downtown this week, at 40,000 square feet of Rockwell Group-designed space with an animatronic Buddha. Because every club needs some Hall of Presidents-esque creepiness.

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    STRAIGHT OUTTA TAO

    cube
    The invisible fish hook had plagued Ice his entire career.

    Legendary rapper Ice Cube will host a party at Tao in the Venetian tomorrow night as part of Worship Thursdays and the unofficial kick-off to its Labor Day festivities.
    The co-founder of ground-breaking gangster rap crew NWA, is expected to grab the mic and spit a few hits or give a sobbing, revealing speech in which he apologizes for selling out and making movies and TV shows that even Tyler Perry would find cloying. Either/or.

    BRUNO MARS FOLLOWS SHOW AT TAO

    Mars
    Bruno Mars, seen here slowly morphing into Lenny Kravitz. (Photos by Al Powers)

    After Saturday night’s gig at MGM Grand Garden Arena, Bruno Mars bounced over to Tao for the afterparty. He got up in the booth to do “Locked Out of Heaven” and “Bubble Butt” before retiring to his table. Pacers center Roy Hibbert was also there, officially marking him as the smartest man in the NBA as he’s the only one to figure out to go to the club when it’s playing home to an artist that works exclusively in the “Hey lady, I find you distractingly pretty” school of R&B.

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    CHRIS PAUL IS THE URKEL OF THE NBA

    ChrisPaul
    Chris Paul is very excited about his new vase. (Photos by Tom Donaghue. Additional photos by Al Powers)

    Quick! Who’s the biggest nerd in all of basketball? Dirk Nowitzki? Steve Nash? Muggsy Bogues? (Come on, just look at him.) Nope, nope and probably up until now, but moving forward, nope.

    Chris Paul hosted the first TopSpin Charity Ping Pong Tournament at Palazzo on Saturday, where he dressed like this, with those glasses, and then posed with a championship crystal trophy after winning his own ping pong tournament.

    He then went home and watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Twice.

    Actually, he went to Tao with fellow basketball/ping pong stars Alan Anderson, Al-Farouq Aminu, Michael Conley, Jerome Williams, Royal Ivey, Andre Igoudala, Kyrie Irving, Greg Oden, Jerry Stackhouse, Al Harrington, Tyronn Lue, Roger Mason, Sebastien Telfair and Kenny Smith.

    He did dinner with his brother, CJ, and STackhouse, while they were joined up at the club by Russell Westbrook and Carmello Anthony. Also at Tao that night was Josh Groban, who for once wasn’t the geekiest dude in the club. All thanks to the magic of Chris Paul and his ping pong paddles.

    Paul and compand did Lavo on Friday night where David Spade and Kevin Farley, younger brother and nigh-doppleganger of Chris.

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