That’s a lot of fading hgh right there. (Photos by Erik Kabik. Additional photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

The world will never give us the Commando/First Blood mash-up we so richly deserve, but The Expendables held its premiere last night at Planet Hollywood Resort with Sylvester Stallone and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger sharing the red carpet.

The action movie all-star game also drew Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Steve Austin, Dexter’s David Zayas, Giselle Itie, Charisma Carpenter and, for some reason, Eric Roberts. Unless maybe Eric Roberts is going to embark on a second career as an action star, which would be fantastic. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

FYDL!

Ivan Drago. He-Man. Elvis impersonator. The greatest actor of our, or any, generation, Dolph Lundgren, had dinner at Planet Hollywood’s Strip House last night.

He’ll be in the house again tonight for the premiere of The Expendables with Jason Statham, Randy Couture and Sly Stallone. So at least there’s a chance of a red carpet Rocky IV re-enactment. Oh man, why didn’t they get Carl Weathers to come out? This is really a missed opportunity.

By Jason Scavone

This is like a Vietnam flashback for Biebettes. (Additional photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Human LOLcat Justin Bieber came in Saturday night to Planet Hollywood Resort to tease his legion of fans at the Theater for the Performing Arts who just want to have like 30 seconds to, y’know, just kind of smell his hair. It probably smells lemony.

Bieber side note: Diddy either has awesome car insurance or no fear about letting a 16-year-old behind the wheel of a $200,000 ride, because he let Biebs drive his Lamborghini around L.A. Enjoy mulling that over as you drive your ’01 Focus with crappy air conditioning through the desert. We’ll be busy hanging ourselves while staring at pictures of Ferraris.

By Jason Scavone

The hospitals will be slammed with incurable Bieber fever. (Photo by Scott Harrison | Retna)

If you’re confused because you can’t find any tween girls on the street, check Planet Hollywood. Justin Bieber is there tonight with Sean Kingston and Jessica Jarrell. Probably a good idea not to bring your dog within a couple blocks of the P-Ho lest all the shrieking make him run around in circles. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

His name is Tim … the Enchanter.

The Ministry of Silly Walks is apparently closed for the summer. John Cleese was at Strip House inside Planet Hollywood last night for cocktails. Fortunately it was just cocktails. Had he been there for dinner, we do worry about what might have happened if anyone started tossing wafer-thin mints around the place.

By Jason Scavone

Man, she had a sweet set of … ribs.

Step aside Wilhelm Rontgen, discoverer of the X-ray, because your life’s work has gone as far as it will go. Marilyn Monroe’s sexy X-ray — her seX-ray — sold for $45,000 at the Julien’s Auctions at Planet Hollywood Resort. There was also a Monroe chair that went for $35,000. We think the X-ray sale was a bad buy, though. You can’t even see nipple. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

This is, apparently, Carrot Top’s new photo move. (Photos by Scott Harrison. Additional photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Holly Madison marked the debut of her E! Network reality show Holly’s World at Planet Hollywood’s sports book last night, bringing along Angel Porrino, Josh Strickland, Laura Croft and Carrot Top. Does this mean Carrot Top is joining the cast of Peepshow? Because we really don’t want to see Carrot Top in a corset during background numbers. It’ll just be weird when he starts pulling props out of his thong.

By Jason Scavone

‘You, over there. You’re an “S.” ‘ (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Yesterday saw the bikini-wearing masses descend on Planet Hollywood Resort for the Cosmopolitan Bikini Bash 2010 with Mario Lopez. Not that he was in a bikini, we mean. He was just there. Fortunately. We might not stand for much, but we’re throwing down with the Mario-Lopez-in-a-Bikini-Averse camp.

Lo Bosworth of The Hills and Holly Madison made the rounds as well, as dozens of girls held up blue lights to spell out “Cosmo” on the P-Ho’s pool deck. The pic will run in the August issue of Cosmo. Lopez was hawking his diet book, Extra Lean while Bosworth wandered around in a sheer robe. Get it? “Extra” lean? Because he’s on that show. Saved by the Bell.

By Jason Scavone

Is … is Jonah Hill only three apples high? What’s going on here? (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Last night saw the screening of Get Him to the Greek at Planet Hollywood Resort’s Chi Theater, with Russell Brand and Jonah Hill coming out to pump the flick. So, let’s see if we have this straight about Russell Brand. He gets to dress like a douchefactory, but it’s cool because he’s only an ironic douchefactory. And on top of that, he gets to bone Katy Perry? There’s something cosmically unjust going on here. Also on the red carpet last night: The pasty kid from Harry Potter. No, the really pasty one. Yes, we realize it’s hard to distinguish eggshell from ivory when they’re all crammed into one scene, but we mean the one who’s practically invisible. Tom Felton. If you catch him at the right time of day, the sun will shine right through him and you can see his lungs. He’s like a walking anatomy chart.

By Jason Scavone

The movie is two hours of Jonah Hill and Russell Brand doing nothing but tai chi.

Get Him to the Greek, the Diddy-starring Forgetting Sarah Marshall spin-off he unsuccessfully lobbied to have titled Ciroc Vodka Presents: Get Him to the Greek, premieres at Planet Hollywood Resort’s Chi Theater tonight at 7:30 p.m. Jonah Hill, Russell Brand and director Nicholas Stoller are all expected on the red carpet. Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider, who appears in the movie, will not be in attendance. Which means Brand will be the only dude there wearing women’s clothes.

First, though, Planet Hollywood is doing a Tweetup at the adjacent Strip House from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. where the first 20 people to buy specialty cocktails at the bar get tickets to the movie. They’re also doing Twitter-based ticket giveaways and a drawing at 7:30 for tickets, two nights at Planet Hollywood and dinner for two at Strip House.

By Jason Scavone