Are we supposed to infer this means Paulina Porizkova is dead? (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

It’s not quite pool season, but we do seem to be undergoing an influx of swimsuit models. The SI Swimsuit 24/7 event got going today with the girls re-creating the Abbey Road cover outside of The Mirage except with Oscar Goodman playing the part of Ringo.

Tonight, though, they’ll be at Jet before tomorrow’s Vanity/Maroon 5 doubleheader.

By Jason Scavone

One drink is Sammy’s, the other he picked up off David Lee Roth’s table when he was done with it.

What’s weirder than opening your mailbox to find a Christmas card from Sammy Hagar? How about having him yell his holiday cheer at you while you walk unsuspectingly down the strip?

For the rest of the month, the Red Rocker, along with other “celebrities” like Mayor Oscar Goodman, UNLV basketball coach Lon Kruger, Holly Madison, Zowie Bowie, Gordie Brown, Donny and Marie Osmond and a handful of others, will be wishing shoppers a happy holiday season in a series of special video messages on Miracle Mile Shops’ Strip-side LED video screens.

The 13,000-square-foot screen boasts more than two-million pixels, each capable of 16-million colors, or half of what Tommy Chong sees when he shuts his eyes, providing tourists and locals alike with the oversized, high-definition look at Oscar they’ve been clammoring for. The screen can be remotely controlled from anywhere on the planet offering hackers of all ages a new era of bright pranking opportunities.

By Jared Harmon

Oooh, someone’s going to get headdress inferiority complex.

If Mufasa looked a little wobbly on stage to the Brits, that’s because we sent our own personal gin bomb, Mayor Oscar Goodman, during his goodwill mission to London to promote British Airways new nonstop service from Heathrow to McCarran. The colonies say hello, Jolly Old.

Hizzonner went to check out The Lion King at the Lyceum Theater. But we know his secret mission was to distribute Martinis to the cast so disappointed theatergoers in Blighty would jet off to Mandalay Bay to see a sharper performance. You can fool most everyone, Mr. Mayor, but we’re onto your masterful scheme here.

By Jason Scavone

Wow, if you get enough gin in him he’ll try anything. (Photo by Erik Kabik | Retna)

In celebration of it’s fifth year, Vegas Rocks Magazine held an event in front of the “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign on the south end of the Strip on Tuesday where Mayor Oscar Goodman, Vegas Rocks editor and publisher Sally Steel and an Elvis impersonater were joined by a slew of Ted Nugent fans in an attempt to break the Guiness Book record for the most guitar players performing “Viva Las Vegas.”

The crowd of Night Ranger fans played the classic Elvis version of the song and then followed that with the Dead Kennedys’ version.

There is no word yet on whether the record was officially broken or whether it’s even a real record.

By Jared Harmon

He’s like a one-man version of the drinking contest in Raiders of the Lost Ark. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Mayor Oscar Goodman celebrated 70 years on the planet the way anyone in his position would — surrounded by showgirls and swilling Martinis.

Hizzonner did his birthday bash on Fremont Street with the Fantasy girls, Elvis impersonator Jesse Garon, Nahan Burton, Wayne Brady and Zowie Bowie coming out to perform for the benefit of the Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health, Opportunity Village and Three Square. And also, for the benefit of Mayor Goodman’s liver.

You know you’ve arrived when your birthday party comes with a pile of masks of your face attached to sticks. At our last birthday party we had a crooked paper hat and a cupcake with one candle in it that we bought ourself at Von’s around 11:50 p.m. when it was pretty clear that after 12 hours of waiting, no one was hiding in the FiascoCave to jump out and yell “Surprise!” We totally looked everywhere, too. Twice.

By Jason Scavone

We always assumed it would be cirrhosis, not bullets, that got him. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Oh God, oh Jesus, no. First they come for the Las Vegas sign, and now they’ve murdered Mayor Oscar Goodman. It’s like Kevin Spacey in Se7en is taunting the city of Las Vegas. He’s going to deliver Gwyneth Paltrow’s head to the Bellagio fountains, isn’t he?

Hizzonner was at the 10th anniversary of Marriage Can Be Murder at Fitzgerald’s last night, where he issued yet another proclamation declaring Marriage Can Be Murder Day. This follows hot on the heels of Lance Burton Day last week. Apparently that’s the mayor’s deal — drawing up proclamations for show-related holidays. It’s kind of a shame he had to waste the paper on Shear Madness Day and Lord of the Dance Day, but if he hurries, he can slap some white-out on there and reuse the parchment for like, Rita Rudner Day or something.

By Jason Scavone

Someone in this picture is going to make a Martini disappear. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Magician Lance Burton — no, make that Master Magician Lance Burton — will be staying at the Monte Carlo through 2015 as part of a six-year contract renewal announced today at the casino he’s been a part of since its opening. Monte Carlo President and COO Anton Nikodemus was at the announcement this afternoon along with Mayor Oscar Goodman, who presented Burton with a proclamation naming July 7 Lance Burton Day.

The proclamation reads: “Whereas; the grand illusion of legendary Master Magician Lance Burton will continue to captivate and enchant audiences at Monte Carlo through 2015; and Whereas; the signing of the new agreement comes at the completion of an already legendary 13-year run, which began the day the resort opened on June 21, 1996; and Whereas; Lance Burton has been chosen as Las Vegas’ ‘Best Magician’ for the past 11 years in a row in the Review-Journal’s ‘Best of Las Vegas’ poll; and Whereas; the addition of six more years celebrates one of the longest partnerships in the history of Las Vegas entertainment; and Whereas; the new agreement promises Monte Carlo guests almost two decades of astounding performances and mesmerizing sleight-of-hand; now Therefore; I, the Mayor of Las Vegas, County of Clark, State of Nevada, hereby proudly proclaim July 7th to be Lance Burton Day in the city of Las Vegas.”

First of all, it’s nice to see anyone breaking out Declaration of Independence language for anything. Second, that naming July 7 Lance Burton Day kind of put hizzonner on a little proclaiming spree. He proclaimed Burton’s air cast on his right foot to be the most important medical device of the month. Then he declared that the mayoral cat, Mr. Fluffybottom, was the softest kitty in all the land. Finally, he officially proclaimed that Marie Osmond had the flyest booty on all the Las Vegas Strip.

By Jason Scavone

That’s a handsome man holding a handsomer bottle. (Photo by Ray Alamo | SpyOnVegas.com)

Everyone’s all a-twitter over Mayor Oscar Goodman’s tiff with President Obama for saying, “You can’t get corporate jets, you can’t go take a trip to Las Vegas or go down to the Super Bowl on the taxpayer’s dime.”

Today, hizzoner held a press conference to explain his outrage. And when Mayor Goodman is outraged we … start drinking Martinis. It’s what we think he’d want. Our friends over at RawVegas.tv have the uncut footage of today’s presser. We’re a little disappointed not even one lousy blue cheese-stuffed olive made an appearance.

By Jason Scavone

Do they make ornaments of tiny little bottles of gin? (Photo courtesy Las Vegas News Bureau)

Mayor Oscar Goodman, threw the switch on the 60-foot Christmas tree at the Fremont Street Experience last night along with friends, family and members of Holiday Lights on Ice. Hizzoner was convinced to come out and light the tree when he saw what they were using as a topper.

By Jason Scavone