Are you kidding? That’s it. We’re going home to learn how to DJ, right now.

DJ Tiesto stopped by Brand Steakhouse at Monte Carlo last night with friend Paula Vargas for surf and turf. Comedian Robert Schimmel, who performs tonight and tomorrow at the casino, was also there. Schimmel, it should be noted, not only beat cancer, but married a girl two years older than his daughter. We’re pretty sure he’s not even human, but some sort of indestructible force of nature.

St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson, meanwhile, as at N9NE Steakhouse with coach Scott Linehan and one other guest talking football the entire night. Jackson had the filet and creamed corn (we didn’t think anyone ate that stuff voluntarily as an adult) and chased it with a few Palomas.

By Jason Scavone

Not pictured: Members of the AFC East.

Miami Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter had dinner with three friends at N9NE Steakhouse inside the Palms last night. Porter had a petit filet, halibut and macaroni and cheese. He guaranteed a win over dessert, but couldn’t deliver when it counted, coming up short en route to a long, 16-week run that would see him finish his ice cream just once in that time.

By Jason Scavone

Renowned DJ, or spy in Her Majesty’s Secret Service? You decide.

DJ Dimitri from Paris celebrated his birthday and spun his set Sunday night at The Palms’ Playboy Club to the delight of Super Bowl XX MVP Richard Dent, diminutive hoopster Spudd Webb and Saved by the Bell’s Dennis Haskins.

Haskins and Webb — who really should pair up in the best buddy-cop show of all time — stayed so long after dinner at N9NE Steakhouse that night they closed down the restaurant. Basketball player Diamon Simpson was at Moon.

Saturday night saw hockey player Eric Nystrom at Moon, A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila contestant Brandi Ryan at Playboy Club, former Kansas City Chiefs defensive back Eric Warfield at N9NE and Moon, and actor Adrian Brody dining with his father at N9NE and going classic drinking gimlets. Before we double checked, we assumed he was British because he actually has taste. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

At least she had the dignity not to keep doing those straight-to-DVD sequels. (Photo by Scott Harrison)

Fresh off the Deal premiere, Shannon Elizabeth dropped by N9NE Steakhouse last night with Dancing With the Stars partner/likely romantic interest Derek Hough and friends. Elizabeth was early and hung out at the bar barefoot before the rest of her crew caught up. She did manage to squeeze in a $69 Ultimate Margarita with dinner. After dinner, she went up to Moon where she hung out with Deal writer/director Gil Cates Jr., writer Mark Weinstock, actress Mimi Rogers and poker players Antonio Esfandiari, Phil Laak and actress/player Jennifer Tilly, where they took up the whole mezzanine from 10 p.m. until midnight.

Still in town is Mena Suvari, who dined at Nove Italiano with boyfriend Simone Sestito last night for a little linguine with clams, tortellini, Alaskan halibut and arugula salad before heading up to the Playboy Club for a few hands of blackjack.

If only Eugene Levy and Jason Biggs could’ve been here too, they could’ve pitched American Pie: The Musical to Cirque. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

It was an interesting mid-week evening at The Palms last night for the N9Ne Group restaurants, clubs and lounges. R&B singer Ciara, wrapped up a two-week recording session for her new album at the Studio at the Palms last night, so she and nine friends, along with Studio director Zoe Thrall, enjoyed dinner in the private dining room at N9NE Steakhouse. Ciara started with a wedge salad and lobster bisque, followed by mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese. Tasty.

Also spotted at N9NE Steakhouse last night were Carrot Top, Duane “Dog” Chapman and his wife Beth, along with a few other people, having a light dinner together. Chapman — at one time arrested for bounty hunting in Mexico — is finally seeing  his A&E reality show, Dog the Bounty Hunter, return to production after it was pulled from the air three months ago in a controversy over the his recorded use of racial slurs.

After dinner the group headed up to the Playboy Club, where they shared a bottle of Champagne Perrier Jouët and a bottle of Le Tourment Vert Absinthe with six friends. Beth reportedly joked that the couple does not drink even as she had a libation in hand. Click for more words and pictures »

By Pj Perez

It was another sports-tastic night at N9NE Steakhouse inside the Palms Tuesday as Buffalo Bills offensive lineman Melvin Fowler, Jr. and former New England Patriots linebacker Barry Gardner had dinner with three friends. The group shared two orders of N9NE’s signature Rock Shrimp before Fowler tore into a protein-rich meal consisting of Big Tuna and Roasted Colorado Lamb Chops, while Gardner kept things simple and classy with a course of Oysters Rockefeller.

Also spotted last night in N9NE was regular Suge Knight, enjoying a chocolate and vanilla milkshake, Organic Chicken and a lady friend’s company. The former Death Row Records head also made his first visit to Nove Italiano in the property’s Fantasy Tower last week. Surely the N9NE Group food is much better than what Knight received in prison.

By Pj Perez