Coming soon: Miss USA the T-shirt, Miss USA the coloring book, Miss USA the flamethrower. (Photo by Scott Harrison)

After two weeks of run-up, a new Miss USA was crowned Friday night at Planet Hollywood Resort with Miss Texas, Crystle Stewart, taking home the tiara, the sash and, inexplicably, the Lombardi Trophy.

We know no one from the pageant bothered to contact us, but we approve of this choice. Although we had hoped one of the judges would’ve fallen for our ruse when we tried to sneak in as Miss South Virginia. They’re clever, though, those pageant folk.

By Jason Scavone

Veronica Grabowski helps make the world safe for beachwear. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

FINALLY, all this Miss USA business is getting somewhere. The girls got down to the nuts and bolts of this thing this weekend with the swimsuit competition portion of the beauty pageant. Let’s all pause to take a moment to appreciate everything the black two-piece has done for us over the years.

Also this weekend, the girls were over to Red Rock Lanes to roll a few frames, but donning bowling shoes and rehashing lines from The Big Lebowski is a far cry from heels and bikinis. Next year, Miss USA, why not kill two birds with one stone and bring the girls bowling in the swimsuits?

By Jason Scavone

We’re as surprised as you are that Miss Wisconsin isn’t wearing a Packers jersey. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

It was Tryst’s turn to host the Miss USA girls last night at the Wynn. You can tell this one was a big deal because they broke out the official sashes.

We’re now into crunch time, with just a week to go before the April 11 pageant. Then the 51 contestants will just fade out of our lives, like the morning dew, a sparkling sunset, or your memories of Saturday night after your twelfth Jack and coke.

By Jason Scavone

Try the veal, Miss Arkansas. It’s the best in town. (Photos by Scott Harrison)

We don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Miss USA girls are in town. No, really. We’d hate to think you felt like we were leaving you ill-informed.

The girls, including current Miss USA Rachel Smith, were over at the Fashion Show Mall last night where they enjoyed dinner at Maggiano’s Little Italy for the On Top of Cloud 9 charity dinner presented by Once Upon a Dream.

It was probably just like the Italian dinners of our youth – a little pasta, a few meatballs and dozens of beauty queens all sitting around one big table. All it would’ve been missing were a few uncles eating too much and complaining about how the Giants needed a better running game.

By Jason Scavone

The world’s largest synchronized swimming team. (Photos by Scott Harrison)

The ladies of Miss USA cruised north of the Strip last night to pay a visit to Fremont Street where they were treated to a pool party at The Tank at the Golden Nugget as part of the filming for the April 11 broadcast. Whoever it was at the Nugget who saw fit to encourage the contestants to come to the pool clearly deserves a raise.

Miss Alaska Courtney Erin Carroll and Miss Indiana Brittany Mason took a ride down The Tank’s waterslide through the shark tank in a move we can only imagine was reminiscent of Jaws 3. After that, it was on to Gold Diggers to spend another arduous night of clubbing.

Do you think when it’s the pageant off-season these girls do everything together like this all the time? Did like all of them go see Juno together and split a large popcorn? Or do they ride a bicycle built for 51 when they’re cruising around the park? We certainly hope so.

By Jason Scavone

… and then the girls broke for a game of 26-on-26 on a regulation NBA court. (Photos by Scott Harrison)

The Miss USA girls were back out last night – good lord, they must be getting exhausted – first paying a visit to the Stomp Out Loud theater and then hitting the dance floor at Prive inside Planet Hollywood.

You know, if this whole beauty pageant thing doesn’t work out for these girls, a lot of them could have futures as a Vegas tour guide at this rate.

By Jason Scavone

Miss Ohio Monica Day cuts the cheese. No, really. Fenacho.

The Miss USA girls, or at least 15 of them, continued their all-out assault on Vegas today at The Venetian after yesterday filming their introductions for the April 11 broadcast. The pageant contestants were back at the hotel to take a gondola ride where they are rumored to have caused a six-boat pile-up as gawking gondoliers failed to keep their eyes on the road. Canal. Whatever.

From there it was on to Morels French Steakhouse & Bistro inside The Palazzo, where executive chef Eric Bauer personally served the girls. Bet that was a tough gig to take, Bauer.

By Jason Scavone

Twisting, shouting, etc. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

The Miss USA girls wasted no time since their arrival in Vegas last week, getting down to business Saturday night at Planet Hollywood’s Stomp Out Loud theater for a sock hop to benefit Best Buddies International.

The 52 girls, counting current Miss USA Rachel Smith, danced with 52 people with intellectual disabilities from Opportunity Village. A time-traveling Michael J. Fox playing “Johnny B. Goode” was, regrettably, not part of the festivities.

Smith herself danced away in a T-shirt, jeans, and her official Miss USA sash. Does she have to wear that thing everywhere? Even the grocery store? We’re all in favor of more jobs that involve constant sash-wearing. We’d at least like to see it brought back for mayor. It would accentuate Oscar Goodman’s martini nicely.

By Jason Scavone

We’re rooting for her simply out of provincial loyalty. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

They’ve got the sashes to prove it: The 51 hottest women in the country descended on Planet Hollywood last night to kick off the two-week run-up to Miss USA 2008. That counts the District of Columbia, for those of you keeping score at home, which we believe is represented this year by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

The pageant will be aired on NBC live April 11. Pageant owner Donald Trump recently sued Senorita Mexico USA for allegedly infringing on Miss USA’s copyright, and is keeping a watchful eye on Fraulein Deutschland USA.

Miss Nevada Veronica Grabowski is reportedly dating Mindfreak Criss Angel, although if you press him too hard for details, he may levitate you to the top of the Luxor and leave you there.

By Jason Scavone

(Rachel Smith, Miss USA 2007. Photo courtesy the Miss Universe Organization.)

We all know some of the world’s most beautiful women can be found in Las Vegas on a regular basis. But apparently, that was not enough for us. First we had to bring the Miss America pageant here, and now the Miss Universe Organization has announced that the 57th Annual Miss USA Competition will follow suit, being held on April 11 at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino’s Theatre for the Performing Arts.

“What happens in Vegas won’t be staying in Vegas as the Miss USA telecast is viewed in more than 80 countries around the globe on live television,” said Paula M. Shugart, president of the Miss Universe Organization.

Of course, Planet Hollywood is the same location Miss America has called home for three years now. It’s quite a coup for the property formerly known as the Aladdin, which was struggling to capture the imagination of tourists and locals alike prior to its makeover. But with the re-imagining of Desert Passage as the glitzy Miracle Mile shops and the addition of hot nightspots such as Privé, Planet Hollywood seems to be living up to the glamour of its namesake. Click for more words and pictures »

By Pj Perez