Ugh. We’d rather see a crotch shot in Basic Instinct 3. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Madonna did a pair of shows this weekend, for double your aggressively-sexy-but-really-just-old-and-creepy pleasure. Estranged husband Guy Ritchie said sleeping with Madonna was like “cuddling up to a piece of gristle.” Frankly, judging by these pictures from Saturday’s show at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, that’s a grievous insult to gristle.

She’s starting to look like Iggy Pop in a blonde wig and thigh-highs. And what’s with the top hat? Is she reaching out to the Flavor Flav fanbase of people who will watch anyone on stage no matter how much they look like Gollum?

Look, Madonna had a fling with Jose Canseco in the ’80s. Jose Canseco had more juice in his system than the Kool-Aid Man. We think you know where we’re going with this. Exactly. Madonna has a penis.

By Jason Scavone

Here we go again.

Madonna does the second night of her engagement at the MGM Grand Garden Arena at 8 p.m. She already brought out Britney and Justin Timberlake, separately, to perform Thursday night at Dodger Stadium. Will she do it again, or did he already drink enough blood from each star to keep her from aging for another six months? We’ll be spending the night trying to find a screening of estranged husband Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone