Big as grapefruits, big as pumpkins.

While it was Tiger Jam weekend, the fundraiser’s namesake was setting up shop in a Liquid cabana where, “There was a frenzy … many girls were trying to get up to his cabana, but were unsuccessful.”

Because Tiger was already hanging out with a bunch of girls. Seems like he must be mellowing in his age, because a young, hungry Tiger would have lined all those women up and run down the line. And then text them about the slapping, biting and spankings they’re in for.

By Jason Scavone

Aaaand now you’ve been hexed. Thanks, Crystal Method.

Liquid kicks off its new monthly nighttime pool party, MoonRise, at 6 p.m. with a turn from Vegas’ own Crystal Method. Now we’re going to have to go ’97 style and listen to “Busy Child” like a million times. If we can drink about a million beers out of a plastic cup before 10 p.m., we’ll have this whole return-to-college thing entirely on lockdown. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

See, it’s funny ‘cuz fondant can’t play tapes. (Photos by Denise Truscello)

Mark Salling, who you’ll know as “the mohawked one on the show where they sing pop music in an annoying choir,” was at Liquid Saturday for a mindful sit-down with the Easter Bunny. Presumably because he got gypped on those Reese’s Eggs that are like more addictive than crystal meth dipped in Farmville and are basically an excuse to eat Reese’s peanut butter by the gobs under the guise of it being OK because it’s a holiday. But you know deep down if they sold those things year-round you’d eat them until peanut butter oozed out your pores.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Gabe Zapata | SpyOnVegas.com)

At the end of the day, hands on the goods are hands on the goods. No need to get picky now.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Tony Tran | SpyOnVegas.com)

And there you have it: The most innocent tramp stamp of them all.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Gabe Zapata | SpyOnVegas.com)

Holy shit! DJ Que just gave birth to a walkie-talkie, and the umbilical cord is still attached.

By Jason Scavone

Just like we used to have in our back yard, when we spent that summer with Scrooge McDuck.

Oh, who could forget the good old days of Aubrey O’Day when she complained about people objectifying women while she was performing in a show in which she took her cans out by going on YouTube and taking her cans out.

Things are simpler now. Instead of seeing Aubrey O’Day’s cans paraded around on stage in Peepshow, you could only see Aubrey O’Day’s cans on display Saturday at Liquid. Oh, and here. You can definitely see Aubrey O’Day’s cans here. Can’t miss ‘em really; they’re quite large.

O’Day was with All About Aubrey co-stars Krystal Bronson and Rob Knox at the pool, where she led a “champagne fire drill” that seems to have consisted of spraying down the crowd with bubbly.

Chateau went in a less cans-y direction on Friday when it brought in Nicky Hilton to host, backed by boyfriend David Katzenberg. Vienna Girardi of The Bachelor stopped by before going over to Gallery to celebrate her 25th birthday.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Amit Dadlaney | SpyOnVegas.com)

God, it’s like they’ve never even seen a human centipede.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Jess Blair | SpyOnVegas.com)

This meeting of the Raul Julia Fan Club is officially called to order.

By Jason Scavone

Sent from the future to destroy Scott Connor. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna. Additional photos by Denise Truscello.)

Audrina Patridge spent her 25th birthday at Liquid inside Aria with boyfriend Ryan Cabrera and her brother, Mark. Yet before she made it to the pool she was wearing this burlap sack of a dress, which is some kind of national tragedy when we all know what was lurking underneath that burqa.

Now, you must be asking yourself, “But wait? Isn’t it possible that she realized the error of her ways and decided, upon arriving poolside, to dress her boobs like a Bon Jovi groupie?” Yes. Yes it is. And thank God for that.

By the time she came to her senses, Patridge hosed down the crowd with a water gun before getting into a cake fight with Cabrera. Which makes this exactly like every seventh birthday party we went to growing up. Except in this case, it would’ve been the memory that made us have to go to the blackboard with a notebook over our pants in junior high. Up through college.

By Jason Scavone