Well, at least we know who threw that fourth-quarter pick. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Holly Madison, whose former Girls Next Door compadre Kendra Wilkinson is married to Colts receiver Hank Baskett, turned up to her Holly Bowl Saturday night at Lavo decked out in Peyton Manning gear. So clearly, all this Playboy connection cursed the Colts. That sound you just heard was all of Indianapolis suddenly changing their subscriptions to Hustler.

Over at Strip House, Channing Tatum of America’s inexplicably No. 1 movie Dear John was with wife Jenna Dewan to celebrate the flick’s opening. Vince Neil celebrated his birthday at Simon inside Palms Place, while Rick and Kathy Hilton hung out at Blush inside Wynn Las Vegas.

By Jason Scavone

It’s going to be tough playing third base with a stiletto in your face. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Holly Madison got her own blackjack felts at Planet Hollywood Resort, even with Peepshow on its hiatus. This will finally move you a mere one degree of separation away from your dream of showering $5 chips all over Hef. We still want to know where to go to score some of those sweet Producers felts from Paris. Because we always double down on The Hoff.

By Jason Scavone

While little Sally hoped for a Barbie and Timmy hoped for a baseball mit, little Bobby – mature for his age – wondered just how nice he had to be for Santa to bring him the chesty blonde. (Photo by Erik Kabik | Retna)

“Peep Show” star Holly Madison wrapped up the Inaugural Holly Jolly Christmas Toy Drive with Lotus Broadcasting at Grimaldi’s in Las Vegas on Saturday. The drive benefits Toys For Tots and The Salvation Army.
Madison, best known for her reality show “The Girls Next Door” where she and two other hot blondes worked in a nursing home, posed in Santa Claus’s Classic Cutlass convertable packed full of the toys she has collected in the past weeks after stops at The Hard Rock Cafe, The Jewelers of Las Vegas, KIA at Sahara and Decatur and Grimaldi’s on Eastern.

Knowing this, we will now cancel our restraining order we filed against against Holly after seeing her when we got lunch, had our watch fixed, took our car to get serviced and then grabbed a pizza for dinner. How were we to know, Holly? Just to be safe, stay at least 500 feet away from us until this mess gets cleared up, OK?

By Jared Harmon

There’s a joke in here somewhere about pastry bags. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Le Cordon Bleu did its Thanksgiving lunch yesterday, picking up a bevy of celebrity servers to sit tight on pie-handing-out duties, which, as we all know, are the most sacred duties a person can perform. (Take THAT, priests who hear confession or rabbis who perform weddings. Is there pie in a wedding? Check. And. Mate.)

Peepshow’s Holly Madison and Josh Strickland, Jersey Boys’ Rick Faugno, Phantom’s Anthony Crivello, Kristi Holden and Andrew Ragone — plus Mayor Oscar Goodman — came together to feed 40 at-risk students from After School All Stars and 40 disadvantaged seniors meals prepared by students at the culinary school. Our efforts to get our kitchen classified as a center for at-risk youth and have culinary students come over to cook our Thanksgiving dinner failed for the fourth straight year.

By Jason Scavone

They’ve also got some good ideas about who to call for National Chocolate Factory Day. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Imagine, if you will, that you’re a hobo. This will be much easier for some of you than for others. Now imagine you’re wandering up and down Las Vegas Boulevard, and you see the fountain in front of Paris gushing the most beautiful shade of purple you’ve ever seen, and a bunch of people out front stomping grapes. It’s going to be like when Daffy Duck is trapped on a desert island, looks at Bugs Bunny and sees a giant turkey, right? You’re going to think you died and went to Wine-vana.

It’s cruel, Paris. Cruel to taunt the hobos with your faux wine fountain.

Regardless, Holly Madison and a Lucille Ball impersonator were on hand on the Ah Sin patio to celebrate the start of Beaujolais season by getting their feet dirty with the popping of the cork on the 2009 Georges DuBoeuf Beaujolais Nouveau. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have some fine vintage $5 vino to kick back. We believe it’s a rare varietal known as R’ed. Are we saying that right? RRRRR-eh-duh? It’s fancier when you roll the “R’s” right?

By Jason Scavone

We guess this makes Holly, Ethel? (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Spring, summer, fall, winter. Basketball, baseball, hockey, football. You can measure seasons any way you want, we like marking the passage of time in terms of what booze you should be drinking. Paris Las Vegas does its annual Beajolais Nouveau celebration this afternoon with Holly Madison and a Lucille Ball impersonator to bring back traditional grape-stomping.

The event kicks off at 3 p.m. on the patio to coincide with the start of Beaujolais activities at midnight in Paris. That should give Fred and Rickey plenty of time to get there.

By Jason Scavone

There is no reason Baywatch shouldn’t be in line for a remake.

For those of you keeping score at home, Holly Madison turned up at the XS Hollywood party Monday night as Pam Anderson in Baywatch. One Playmate going as another. It’s kind of like one of those pictures of a snake eating its own tail. Except that the snake has really big boobs.

Also at that party were race car driver Tony Kanaan, who went as Michael Jackson, Chuck Liddell, Floyd Mayweather and Gary Sheffield. Shocking, the surly slugger didn’t get into the Halloween spirit and dress up. Wish he had dressed up as a productive hitter during the last four games of the 2004 ALCS instead of going 1-for-17 with no RBIs. We’re not still bitter or anything.

By Jason Scavone

Now we have to go watch Salma Hayek dance to ‘Candy Girl.’ (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Holly Madison was signing autographs at the Sugar Factory inside The Mirage Saturday night, the candy store famous for having famous people like their candy. Specifically, Britney, Kim Kardashain and the Pussycat Dolls have their own signature $25 lollipops.

Clearly, the idea of paying $25 for any kind of candy that doesn’t contain the words “Mallo” “Cups” and “Case of” is insane. Unless they’re some kind of crazy bourbon pop that kicks like half a bottle of Woodford that we don’t know about. But that’s not the point here. The point is how genius it is to bedazzle something common and charge retarded money for it and have everyone come along for the ride.

Which is exactly why we’re proud to introduce our new line of Shiny Happy Gummi Holding Hands, endorsed by R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe*! Available for a limited time at just $79.99 a bag.

(*not actually endorsed by Michael Stipe, but Peter Buck, if you need a couple extra ducats, call us.)

By Jason Scavone

In the future, current and former Girls Next Door will be a statistically significant percentage of the population.

Last night’s Creative Recreation/Hudson Jeans MAGIC party at XS inside Encore drew a crowd of Hef exes and pro skaters. We’re not sure if there’s some symbiotic relationship there, like those birds that hang out in the mouths of hippopotami.

Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt were there with Tony Hawk and Rob Dyrdek while DJ Vice was doing his first set since the passing of friend DJ AM. The whole thing where skaters and punk kids are milling around fashion conventions still kind of blows our mind. All the skaters we knew in high school all wore Fugazi T-shirts and … more Fugazi T-shirts.

By Jason Scavone

Check out the hops on her. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Holly Madison performed her property-wide duties Friday night to show off the goods at Sin City Brewing Co. inside the Miracle Mile. By pouring pints. Those goods. What did you think we meant? She snapped some pics with fans. We know whenever we can’t walk by that kind of attractiveness and not stop, either. We always get a beer. Every time. It’s like some kind of animal magnetism or something.

By Jason Scavone