(Photos by Melissa Reese | SpyOnVegas.com)

Somewhere, there are Budweiser Clydesdales hobbling around without feet.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Ray Alamo | SpyOnVegas.com)

Shortly after this picture was taken, she chased a toddler through some tomato vines and collapsed of a heart attack.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Eric Ita | SpyOnVegas.com)

Speak No Evil and Hear No Evil got here just fine, but who the hell invited Douche No Evil?

By Jason Scavone

This photo could keep stoners busy for hours. (Via myspace.com/djchristopherlawrence)

It’s a double dip of DJs tonight at Body English inside the Hard Rock Hotel for Godskitchen as L.A. mixmaster Christopher Lawrence headlines the show while local jock Jordan Stevens has opening duties. As always, we were rejected from the bill when we volunteered — free of charge, no less — to play our famed “All ‘Humpty Dance’” 290-minute mega-set. Ingrates. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Hew Burney | SpyOnVegas.com)

You remember those things in The Empire Strikes Back that were chewing on the Millennium Falcon’s power lines while it was in the asteroid cave? Yeah, us neither. But we’re pretty sure this is its last evolutionary step.

By Jason Scavone

It’s what Bernie would have wanted. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Smashtime at Hard Rock Hotel’s Body English was dedicated to Bernie Mac Saturday night, the day the comic died of pneumonia at age 50. We don’t have a joke, because that would be declasse, but if we did, it would probably be about Mr. 3000.

Robert Knepper of Prison Break and his wife, Tori Herald, also showed up. We’re still wondering how that show slipped his character’s nickname, “T-Bag,” past the censors, but well played, Prison Break. Well played, indeed. Co-star Amaury Nolasco was also there, and they started the evening off at Ago.

By Jason Scavone

Think we wanna know you, know you.

Morris Day and the Time showed some [jungle] love to the Hard Rock last night, stopping in to oh-e-oh-e-oh at Godskitchen in Body English.

Cover band Ashley Red played over in Wasted Space, going on at 4 a.m. and keeping it acoustic.

Apologies for not being able to work in a Jay and Silent Bob reference in here. We couldn’t get around the swear word. You deserve better.

By Michelle McKay

Sal Masekela’s eyes are actually a silent protest of superhero discrimination. (Photo by Erik Kabik | Retna)

At Saturday’s Smashtime party at Body English, the following people were in attendance:

• Lil Jon

• Basketball players Shawn Marion and Paul Pierce
• Prison Break’s Amaury Nolasco
• Whitney Port and Justin Bobby of The Hills
• Ben Lyons, Sal Masekela and Catt Sadler of E!’s Daily 10

Still missing from Smashtime’s guest list, despite the obvious connection? Bruce Banner.

By Michelle McKay

Ice T does not care for cops’ mamas. (Via IceT.com)

Tomorrow night, Ice T will split his time between a pair of clubs, popping up at Body English inside Hard Rock Hotel for a performance with Black Ice as part of the 944 three-year anniversary tonight, and also at Planet Hollywood Resort’s Torrid, where he and porn star wife Coco host the Players Toast Awards. We’re still waiting for Ice to do another track with Slayer like it was ‘93 all over again.

Joining Ice T at Torrid will be DMX, Eve, Joe Jackson, Sir Jinx, T. Fox, Mike Tyson, Flavor Flav, Bishop Don “Magic” Juan and real estate tycoon Jerry Rosenberg. Ice T protege Fedie Demarco will perform.

The general in the Good Hip-Hop vs. Wack Hip-Hop War of Aught Eight is expected to lead a platoon of troops into battle where they hope to capture several operatives of the Reggaeton Commandos.

By Jason Scavone

Other famous Sanders include Sander Levin (D-MI) and Sander, Norway. (Via SanderKleinenberg.com)

Dutch DJ (Dutch-J?) Sander Kleinenberg spins tonight at Body English inside Hard Rock Hotel for Godskitchen. You know what our favorite thing about the Dutch is? Two capitals: Amsterdam and The Hague. These are not a decisive people. We think that’s how they developed such a lackadaisical attitude toward drugs ‘n’ hookers. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone