Thank God our parents don’t own a casino. Another day of not-being-murdered for us.

Rick Tabish, convicted in 2000 of killing casino scion Ted Binion before being acquitted on retrial in 2004 has been paroled. He has to stay in Montana for the duration of his parole. Yet everyone else who owns a silver vault buried in the desert — no less than 18 percent of the voting public — just got reeeeally nervous. This is why we’re moving our silver vault out of Nevada entirely. Say, to Salt Lake City. Which is close to Mont– wait! No! We’ve said too much! Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

God, the hobos are going to love all this empty hotel space just begging to be sneaked into.

According to the ol’ AP, Binion’s is sshutting down its 365 hotel rooms and laying off 100 employees in a cost-cutting move, effective Dec. 14.

Now, we have no idea how much it costs to run a hotel and pay your staff and all that but, uh. They have a million bucks just sitting on the casino floor. Literally. This is just like when the Depression forced the banks to foreclose on all those farms in the Dustbowl.

“Ma! The man from First Savings & Loan of Kansas is here and he says if you ain’t got the mortgage by now, you and pa have to give him the deed to the farm.”

“Oh, heavens! I just don’t know what we can do. I’ve already sold all my jewelry.”

“But what about that million dollars you keep right there?”

“What million dollars?”

“In the big pile?”

“Big … pi–”

“Right on the table in a neat pyramid?”

“You shush, junior. We ain’t got much but we got our pride and we ain’t turning over our prized centerpiece to the bank. Imagine what our Thanksgiving family memories would be like without it?”

“Well, I probably could’ve seen sis across the table on a holiday for a change. And we wouldn’t have all those gravy stains on Mr. Franklin’s face.”

“I said shush. Now go get your pa’s shotgun for when the bank comes a-callin’ again.”

By Jason Scavone

Huge, huge Ray Parker Jr. fans.

If there’s one thing better than cheesy fun, it’s unified, one-stop shopping cheesy fun. And if there’s anything better than unified, one-stop shopping cheesy fun, it’s unified, one-stop shopping cheesy fun with the chance of seeing some guy with a fanny pack, football full o’ beer and an epic, braided rat-tail strolling through the street. (Yes, this really happened. Someone needs to start PeopleofFremontStreet as a response to PeopleofWalMart.)

The Fremont Street Experience’s OktoberFrightFest runs through Halloween night to Lon Cheney up your downtown experience. They’ve got “Time Warp” and “Monster Mash” on Viva Vision, plus Halloween-themed shows on the First Street, Third Street and “Haunted Bus” stages.

German illusionist Jan Rouven opens with a fairly compelling bit (pun!) called the Drill of Death in which he gets impaled, lifted and spun on a giant drill. Of death. Just so we’re clear on that. We’re not sure, though, why he follows that up with yet another aerialist scarf act. It’s the most tired routine in town, no matter how skin-tight the leotard is you’re cramming your assistant into. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone