Pips not included. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

Well, Bette Midler wrapped up her Caesars Palace run of The Showgirl Must Go On Sunday night. Man. Now what are old people going to do for entertainment other than every other show on the Strip and the inevitable Celine Dion return?

Dion had her moment in the show when Midler came out to do “My Heart Will Go On” in her encore, only to have the Canadian chanteuse pop up on the video screen and bid Bette farewell before she launched into “Wind Beneath My Wings.”

Turning up in person was Gladys Knight to do “The Way We Were,” which brought the show to its highest level of street cred it ever enjoyed during the two-year stretch. Paula Abdul, Wayne Newton, Rita Rudner, Terry Fator, Marie Osmond, George Wallace, boxing promoter Bob Arum and human Muppet Bruce Vilanch were all in the crowd.

Osmond did a few jokes, and Midler brought up ukulele virtuoso Jake Shimabukuro to do The Beatles’ “In My Life,” which was a total mistake as they missed out on a clear home-run with “While My Uke Gently Weeps.”

By Jason Scavone

This is literally like the least goofy picture we have of Bette. (Photo by Scott Harrison | Retna)

With eight shows to go, Bette Midler announced she’s collection and matching donations from patrons of The Showgirl Must Go On to benefit Doctors Without Borders’ operation in Haiti. So far, she’s raised $38,742 toward relief efforts.

Donations from her remaining shows through Jan. 31 will go to the international medical organization, with dates tonight, tomorrow, Sunday, Jan. 26, 27, 30 and 31. This past Sunday, Pink and husband Carey Hart were at the show along with former Peepshow caster and Spice Girl Mel B, plus U.S. Rep. Shelly Berkley. Pink came out do duet with Midler on “The Rose”

By Jason Scavone

There is nothing children love more than Bette Midler. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

We haven’t read Bette Midler’s children’s book, but it’s called The Saga of Baby Divine, so we’re guessing it’s either a biography of the early years of John Waters’ sidekick, or else the story of a precocious tot with a huge gay baby following. Either way, we’d read that book.

Midler was signing copies last night in front of The Colosseum at Caesars Palace after The Showgirl Must Go On, to as it turns out, the disappointment of die-hard Pink Flamingos fans.

By Jason Scavone

This news has a chance to lead to the Puppetpocalypse. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

The showgirl must go on — until early next year. After Jan. 31, Bette Midler is ending her run at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace. Midler started her show Feb. 20, 2009 and marked its 100th show in June. The victory lap on her two-year run will go from Nov. 7 to 15 and Dec. 30 to Jan. 31, 2010.

“What a fabulous two years this has been, and I thank AEG and Caesars Palace for the best partnership a showgirl could imagine. Who knows? These legs have had such a great run in the desert—it may be time to haul them to places with more humidity and fewer slot machines,” Midler said in a statement.

With a spot opening up in the Colosseum calendar, that obviously clears the way for a Celine Dion return engagement, but it also opens up some more disturbing possibilities. Jerry Seinfeld is sort of regular, but he already has more money than Warren Buffet, if Warren Buffet were magically transported to Duckburg to become Uncle Scrooge’s financial analyst. Dane Cook has had several shows there, as has Jeff Dunham. With his Comedy Central show starting strong but quickly bombing out, would they turn the theater into the world’s largest puppet palace? And if they did, how quickly would Terry Fator hit the roof of The Mirage? And even if that’s all just idle speculation, and it really is only Dion — she already looks like half a Muppet. Does that make it any better?

By Jason Scavone

Only 341 more to go ’til she’s done as many shows as The Simpsons. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna)

The Showgirl has gone on and on and on … and on 97 more times. Bette Midler’s Caesars Palace production The Showgirl Must Go On marked its 100th performance Sunday night. Not a bad new milestone in a career arc that really took off in a gay bathhouse in the early ’70s. That kind of transition probably isn’t going to work anymore. We feel like the only kind of career that’s going to come out of the gay bathhouses now is maybe, at best, a minor reality show on the Bravo Network.

To celebrate, Midler asked fans to create a recipe for The Divine Sundae at newly opened Serendipity 3. Midler’s Caesar Salad Girls (We’re sure she broke out in a gay bathhouse in the ’70s and not the Catskills in the ’30s?) were on hand to sample the strawberry sundae. They probably all had two spoonfuls each then complained about how long they’d have to spend on the elliptical. And it’s true. Remember girls: Eating disorders are just as sexy, and take a lot less time. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

‘Four more years! Wait, no –’ (Photo by Scott Harrison | Retna. Additional photos by Harrison, Erik Kabik | Retna)

Bette Midler brought Obamamania to Krave last night for a rally that continues celebrities’ full-on Obamassault to town — or, as it will be known under the next administration, Las Obama. When is the McCain-endorsing celebrity crowd going to step it up? Jon Voight and Jackie Mason can’t be that busy. Or what about the Bob Barr supporters? John Stossel’s mustache must be heard! As always, we pledge our undying support to Apollo/Lando ’08.

By Jason Scavone

Does Teller ever let him live down the ruffles? (Via ABC.com)

In a twinbill of local, big-guy entertainers, Rio headliner Penn Jillette was spotted at the Bette Midler show last night and ducked backstage to say hello. Meanwhile, Excalibur comic Louie Anderson was at Spago inside Caesars Palace. It’s just a shame that Dom DeLuise couldn’t have been here.

By Jason Scavone

Start your hilarious impression involving “r’s” pronounced as “w’s” now.

From the Department of Hilarious Stereotypes: Barbara Walters and her View Crew were at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace last night for the — wait for it — Bette Midler show. Thank you, old lady, for playing to type. Hopefully, she was sitting next to an Italian guy dressed like a chef eating a meatball, a beret-wearing French guy holding a baguette and a German in lederhosen.

By Jason Scavone

(Amazing Jonathan by Ryan Weber | Racket Magazine. Bette Midler by Greg Gorman. Roseanne Barr photo by Michael Hiller.)

Anyone who doesn’t already know Bette Midler is taking residence in Caesars Palace’s Colosseum has been keeping those blinders on tight, but we figure if this showgirl must go on, we may as well mention that when the sold-out show opens tomorrow night, there’ll be a big ol’ red carpet outside Pure nightclub at 9 p.m. Not only will the Divine Miss M and her cast be on hand, but expected guests include Paula Abdul, Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, Kathy Griffin, Rita Wilson, Alan Thicke, Ricki Lake, Siegfried & Roy, George Wallace, Gladys Knight, Rita Rudner, Toni Braxton and surely others.

Midler is performing approximately 100 shows a year at the Colosseum, currently five nights a week at 7:30 p.m. and dark on Mondays and Thursdays. This is mandatory viewing for anyone who loves sequins and feathers — Frank Marino, we know you’re out there.

The Amazing Jonathan, two-time winner of the International Magic Award for “Best Comedy Magician,” is moving his self-titled bizarre magic show from the Sahara Hotel and Casino to the Miracle Mile/Harmon Theater (formerly Krave) on Saturday, March 1. The eccentric performer will take the stage at 9 p.m. nightly, except for Wednesdays and Thursdays. Click for more words and pictures »

By Pj Perez