They’re all going to laugh at you!

Bare at The Mirage tonight hosts the Fourth Annual Vegas Prom, which promises all the awkward excitement of your high school prom without having to actually pay a hobo to buy you booze. If you haven’t yet voted, it’s late (which is what your prom date said three weeks after the dance), but the results are here. Following the pool, the party moved over to Jet. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Normally we’re all for combining boobs and cake, but this is just disconcerting.

Dr. 90210 Gary Motykie celebrated his birthday Friday at Jet inside The Mirage where he was presented with a boob-shaped, sparkler be-decked birthday cake. Huh. Well. We suppose it does kind of put a new twist on the term “snack trays.”

The good doctor went with vodka/Red Bulls until 3 a.m., and was recovered enough to hit up Bare on Saturday for Mojitos with America’s Next Top Model winner Jaslene Gonzalez. Isn’t a visit to a topless pool just a busman’s holiday for a plastic surgeon? Or does he get to spend the whole time being catty about the shoddy workmanship on the fake cans over in cabana three?

By Jason Scavone

Billy Gibbons made his bones when Slash was going out with cheerleaders. (Photos by Erik Kabik | Retna; Denise Truscello)

Oh, buckle up, kids. Slash celebrated day one of his two-day birthday extravaganza at the Mirage’s Bare last night, bringing in an epic roster of talent that hasn’t been seen since one of the Live Aids. Or maybe it was a Farm Aid. Definitely an Aid of some sort.

During the 90-minute set, Slash did songs with Fergie and will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas, Perry Farrell, Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top, Spacehog’s Royston Langdon, Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine, Alice in Chains’ Jerry Cantrell and Mike Inez and Sen Dog from Cypress Hill.

Farrell warmed the crowd up before the show with a DJ set, and Fergie closed things out after Slash got his Les Paul-shaped cake with a cake for her father, Pat Ferguson, who shared in the birthday festivities. The party moved over to Revolution Lounge and will go again tonight at Jet for an acoustic set, with will.i.am DJing this time out. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Um, Criss, could you move? You’re blocking the view.

Criss Angel, who is offering advanced ticket sales to his upcoming Cirque du Soleil shoe Believe to fan club members — yes, you read that right, Criss Angel has a fan club — was on the VIP deck for the season opener of Bare Pool Lounge at The Mirage yesterday with girlfriend Veronica Grabowski. Onlookers who noticed the occupants of the deck were later stunned to learn there was anyone else up there other than the reigning Miss Nevada.

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Ray Alamo | SpyOnVegas.com)

No matter how much you want to honor your bet that Isiah Thomas would lead the Knicks to 60 wins this season and definitely not get fired, no one would’ve faulted you for not getting that tattoo of Dennis Miller.

By Jason Scavone

Buffalo lineman Marvin Fowler, center, offers advice to two hopefuls looking to break camp with the Bills on the defensive line.

Buffalo Bills lineman Melvin Fowler was spotted at Bare Pool Lounge at The Mirage on Saturday along with teammates JP Losman and Daryl Boykins. The 310-pound Fowler at one point jumped up and danced the Soulja Boy on stage to the delight of fans of smashmouth, trench-warfare football and tightly choreographed line dancing. The three Bills then went out and lost a Super Bowl as a show of respect to longtime Buffalo fans.

Director Quentin Tarantino was also at Bare on Saturday, knocking back a strawberry margarita. It’s what Vincent Vega would have wanted.

Meanwhile, over at Luxor’s CatHouse, System of a Down drummer John Dolmayan was having dinner with celeb chef Kerry Simon Friday night while Criss Angel was in the Loungerie. Er, not dancing, just hanging out. We hope.

And finally, ER actor Shane West was seen Saturday night at Bellagio’s Bank.

By Jason Scavone

Javon Walker, left, seen with tackling dummy.

Fresh off of Saturday night’s festivities at The Bank inside Bellagio, Oakland Raiders wideout Javon Walker spent yesterday lounging poolside at Bare Pool Lounge at The Mirage.

While Walker was content to sip virgin daiquiris, he did send over raspberry mojitos to a table of ladies who spent the whole time debating the cover 2 versus a more traditional 4-3 defense.

Following the incident, Walker demanded to be traded to the Bellagio’s pool unless his demands to renegotiate for fluffier towels were met.

By Jason Scavone

Is it really almost pool season? I know this is Las Vegas and we don’t have the harshest winters around, but there was still snow on the mountains last time I checked. But sure enough, Bare Pool Lounge at the Mirage is kicking off the poolside party season early, opening on Thursday, March 13.

The adults-only experience — yes, kids, European-style sunbathing is all the rage at Bare, as its name implies — will again offer such luxuries as cocktail service, specialty food items, a raised VIP section, massages and music provided by live DJs. New this year is the custom glass pool cover that transforms the pool into a transparent dance floor. Can we get that for our bathtub at home?

Bare will be open Thursday through Monday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. until May 1, when it opens seven days a week for your topless sunning pleasure.

By Pj Perez

(Photo by Ray Alamo | SpyOnVegas.com)

In case working at the Palms or the Hard Rock pools didn’t sound like they were up your alley, maybe you might want to try out for a position with Bare Pool Lounge at The Mirage? Casting for bartenders, cabana hostesses, pool guest attendants and security staff is being held Monday, Feb. 11, from noon to 5 p.m. at Jet nightclub inside The Mirage.

All this talk of pool clubs kinda makes us wish it was summer already. Almost.

By Pj Perez