For extra spiciness, take your partner to an adult theater in the 1970s.

With the AEE and AVN come and gone this past weekend, it’s time to take a quick look at porn before it fades from everyone’s memories and computer screens. It’s just the residue on the keyboard that lasts a lifetime. (Seriously, get some cleaning wipes or something.)

Porn is a controversial subject, a billion-dollar industry and a guilty pleasure of many. It’s also something that not everyone is down with, whether because they view it as an infidelity, they feel threatened by their significant other watching it, or it makes them feel imperfect compared to “perfect” porn stars. (Ed note: You mean like the one porn star a couple years ago on the AVN red carpet who said she was doing really good because she’d only had a couple STDs in her career?)

Since I’m an avid believer that porn can benefit relationships, I’ll go over all the pros I know of. The cons of this issue just get too moral and are somewhere between “if you watch porn, you’re cheating!” and “why aren’t I enough?” But pay attention and put your insecurities aside. Hollywood is having a tough enough time of it in this economy, and you’d hate to deprive underground, Naked Hollywood their fair share, too, wouldn’t you? Click for more words and pictures »

By Stephanie Sims

The Hedgehog, porns lovable, freakishly-donged mascot. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

It was a push, so at least if you went heavy, you got your money back, but The Sex Files tied with Not The Cosbys XXX for the AVN Award in Best Parody. Although clearly, The Sex Files should’ve won on the punny name alone. Gillian Anderson, wherever she is, should be proud.

There were dozens of awards at the AVN’s first go-around at The Pearl inside the Palms Saturday night, with Tori Black taking home Female Performer of the Year — so plan your downloading habits accordingly. The red carpet was filled with boob-popping, fetish-gear-wearing, Margaret Cho-slave-leading goodness (and Evan Stone dressed like a pirate for the second year in a row).

Dave Attell, who was co-hosting with Cho, said he might not have done enough to prepare himself to recap the year in porn. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Andy Williams would be so proud.

This year’s Adult Entertainment Expo has sadly decamped for … wherever it is porn expos go in the off-season, but not before leaving us with misty, water-colored memories of girls walking around in just nip-covering stickers and the hordes of dudes with suspiciously advanced photographic equipment despite not being members of the media.

We went deep into the belly of the beast to bring you the best and worst of AEE. We hope you appreciate the Purell bath we had to take after we were done. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Jesse Jane appears to be stoked. (Photo by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Well, tonight’s the big night — the AVN Awards are at The Pearl inside the Palms for your more-or-less once a year to see that rarest of all birds: Porn stars in evening wear. But, in all fairness, probably just for the start of the evening. By the time it rolls around to after-afterparty hours, all those clothes are getting scattered hither and yon in the finest, housekeeping’s-nightmare-when-the-see-what-happend-the-next-dayiest hotel rooms Vegas has to offer. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Our airline flights are never like this. (Photos by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Jesse Jane was roaming the grounds of the Adult Entertainment Expo yesterday, where she stopped in front of an oversize picture of her and her boobs for the flick Fly Girls. Which appears to be about stewardesses, and not the dance troupe from early-’90s sketch comedy. Which, frankly, we’re shocked the porn industry hasn’t made Not In Living Color XXX yet, because Homie the Clown seems like a lock for both comic relief and a breakout performance. For the love of God, the actual Fly Girls already come with knee pads. How much easier does it need to be?

In other AEE portraiture news, artist Fang unveiled her new portrait of Jenna Haze today on the main stage. That’s how you know you’ve arrived. Presidents, bankers and porn stars: The only people left who get portraits made of them.

By Jason Scavone

She looks like a saucy minx.

It looks like there’s some George Costanza-level shrinkage going on at the Adult Entertainment Expo. We thought vice was supposed to be the one thing that’s recession-proof, but first the gambling and now the porn? Get your priorities in order, America.

We just got back from a quick spin around the convention floor, and this year they’re not using the ground floor for business-to-business booths. Instead, B2B is pushed into the back half of the main convention space, that last year was used for retailers and small exhibitors. This year, those booths are all in the middle after the big displays for the established blue-chippers of porn — your Hustlers, your Evil Angels, etc.

Old favorites are well-represented. The Deja Vu Strippermobile was brought out of retirement. Real Doll broke out the acrobatics for one of its gals, and Fleshlight brought in a girl in a zip-up catsuit to demonstrate their vag-in-a-can to passers-by. Ron Jeremy, of course, drew a crowd when he was giving an interview on the convention floor. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

And one day, the parody and robot futures of pornography will converge.

Among last year’s gadgetry at the Adult Entertainment Expo was the Real Touch, a device synched up to computer clips, resting on the bleeding edge of USB-enabled penetration. Coupled with the proliferation of sex dolls at the show, we predicted a future of animatronic humping the likes of which the world has never seen.

We just didn’t think it would get here in 12 months.

Yet debuting Saturday at AEE, True Companion is unveiling the world’s first sex robot. Sadly, it will not be called the Sexmotron 9000. According to a statement from True Companion founder Douglas Hines, “Our sex robots are committed to pleasing their owner. This may involve having a nice discussion or engaging in an intimate encounter. They are fully anatomically correct just like a real person. We have electrical and robotics engineers, artists, fashion models, beauty and makeup professionals all working together to make our customer’s dream a reality.” Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

The Real Touch inspires such devotion it leads to outlandish hair. (Photos by Hew Burney | AVN.com)

There were two different kinds of love doll being sold on the floor of AEE, the Real Doll and Lovable Dolls. There were also two different kinds of devices wherein one would insert one’s junk, and it would simulate the sexual activity going on in a corresponding video.

Do you realize what this means? We are only months away from a terrifying Blade Runner future.

When the pleasurebots and Rutger Hauers of tomorrow come for you, don’t say you were never warned.

Incidentally, of the two devices, one, the Real Touch, was designed in part by former NASA scientists, proving once and for all that the sex robot portion of the Space Station’s budget was not put in place in vain. The device, which costs $149 but requires a $1-per-minute subscription to the site’s videos, has upper and lower heating elements plus a lube reservoir and it changes how constrictive it is depending on what orifice is being used on-screen.

The other one was hard plastic that buzzed a bit along with the movies. It felt like it would be like trying to hump the game Operation.

This says nothing of the Japanese “masturbation machines,” which we couldn’t tell if they were meant to be taken seriously or not; or the Fleshlight, which can best be described as “vagina-in-a-can”; and the Uniram, of which the less said the better. Gallery of earthly delights after the jump, but probably not safe for work. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

(Photo by Hew Burney | AVN.com)

Somewhere, Sir Mix-A-Lot is quietly nodding, self-satisfied.

By Jason Scavone

Really, this was inevitable. (Photos by Hew Burney | AVN.com)

The woman with the boa constrictor, really, was damn near pedestrian when it came to the the really good stuff on display at AEE: The Weird, The High Weird and The Oh My Dear Sweet Lord Is That What I Think It Is? It was great, because otherwise, the convention would’ve just been a bunch of nearly-naked girls running around with their fans. BORING.

There was a guy walking around with a suitcase full of candy for all the girls, which is creepy on so many levels. It was creepier than the camouflage/bondage mask guy we mentioned yesterday, but maybe not as creepy as the guy in spandex and a corset with fake boobs and a bondage mask.

Just to round out the mask trifecta, one of the nominees at the AVN Awards was wearing a leather suit, a mask that made him look like Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat — and black-and-white wingtips. What? Those things are always classy. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone