MATT DAMON, J-LO PARTY AT MARQUEE WITH MARS

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And also, these guys were at Tao. Just pretend one of them is J-Lo. (Photo by Al Powers)

Bruno Mars capped his Saturday night show at the Cosmo with a turn at Marquee to do “Locked Out of Heaven” and “Bubble Butt.” Which is rich, because Jennifer Lopez was there in Mars’ VIP area to take in the show. So was Matt Damon, though Mars doesn’t really have an ironically appropriate song for him. “Grenade,” we guess? That sounds like something Jason Bourne could use, at least.

Meanwhile, Tao played host to the Clippers again, rolling through for dinner after their game against the Nuggets–and another round of “Big Baby Gon’ Turn it Up” from Glen Davis in the dining room. After that wrapped up, Chris Paul, DeAndre Jordan and Blake Griffin got their rookie haze on and made C.J. Wilcox dance. They had the DJ shout out J.J. Redick, too. The Clips are officially vying to become your “lovable scamp” team of the ’14-’15 NBA season. As opposed to your “dour, businesslike” team. Which is obviously any Kobe-led squad. This is what happens when Shaq retires. You cede all your scamp-osity to the other team in your building. Nice work, Kobe. (more…)

1017FRI: THE ROUNDUP

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I think we have a contender for the star of the Big Boss Man biopic. (Photo by Erik Kabik)

Finally, a night you don’t have to spend shufflin’ your cowboy boots at Stoney’s. (Other than during the ACMAs and PBR, we mean.) The Zac Brown Band is at MGM Grand Garden Arena (7:30, $47-$89). We can’t wait until country music and EDM cross over, so we can just have one big homogeneous stew appropriate for every Vegas occasion. (more…)

WAR MACHINE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF

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He was going to bequeath his stupid t-shirts to the Smithsonian.

Human protein shake War Machine tried to bump himself off at Clark County Detention Center, leaving a shocked public to quietly murmur in the wake of the news, “try harder next time.” He tried to hang himself from a bedpost, which is amateur hour. Anyone who’s seen The Wire knows you go for a doorknob.

For someone who’s so into being a tough guy, his Twitter feed (somehow still a thing) is chock-full of Nietzsche quotes and emo poetry. (Look out Robert Frost: “Pain! It’s testing my will./Pain! Deeper and deeper./Pain! I pray for the reaper.”) Hey, you know who never wrote a bunch of whiny shit on social media? Lee Goddamn Marvin, that’s who. Lee Goddamn Marvin let Angie Dickinson beat the everloving hell out of him before he kind of passed out on top of her. Situation DEFUSED.

Meanwhile, Christie Mack continues to recover. Her reward? Dealing with the internet. Thanks, internet, for making a medically induced coma seem preferable. (more…)

1016THURS: THE ROUNDUP

Yellowcard
Poor man’s Eminem likes to keep busy.

Pop-punkers Yellowcard are at House of Blues tonight with Memphis May Fire (6:30 p.m., $32.50), in case you were sitting around wishing a Warped Tour would break out at any given minute. Which, aren’t we all, in a way? In the very specific way where we can’t wait to fail to ollie in front of a crowd waiting in a beer line before Blink-182 goes on? (more…)

MALIN AKERMAN SPREADING THE SIN CITY SAINTS LOVE

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The sex scene with Tom Arnold is going to be … disconcerting.

The least-blue member of Watchmen, Malin Akerman, just last week signed on to do a Yahoo! scripted web series, Sin City Saints, wherein a pro hoops team lands in Vegas, and hijinks yadda yadda. Akerman plays the lawyer to the league commissioner and Tom Arnold is a casino host. Rick Fox and Baron Davis are in it too. So the potential is there that this is just a spin-off from Oz. Did they cast Adebisi? They could probably get him last-minute if they needed to.

She didn’t waste any time getting here for the show, shooting at The Orleans. (Fred Savage is even directing episodes! Go say hi and bother him with Wonder Years questions. he’ll love it.) She was spotted at SLS last night, eating dinner at Katsuya with husband, Roberto Zincone.

UBER IS ON ITS WAY

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Can Lyft, RydeShyare and iCar.ly be far behind?

While gypsy cab-that-is-somehow-legal-because-apps service Uber hasn’t officially announced it’s entering the Las Vegas market, astute people may have noticed a giant ad for it in this week’s Vegas Seven. Or they may have spotted the “Earn up to $500 this weekend in fares driving in Las Vegas with uberX! Apply now and start making some serious cash!” ads popping up on Facebook. Or, you know, gone to the meeting for prospective new drivers.

Logging into the app still serves up a call to action to sign a petition to bring Uber to the market. (Currently sitting at 77 of 10,000 signatures.) Of course, you don’t need a lot of signatures when you’re at the “interviewing drivers” stage of things. On the other hand, now’s your chance to get in the “awkwardly shuttle strangers around in your car” game. Or at least launch your competing Handicar service. (more…)

1015WED: THE ROUNDUP

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Jane Russell AND Hoagy Carmichael? It’s like all of our sex dreams come true.

The Seven Essential Movies series trundles right along at Inspire Theater tonight with The Las Vegas Story To quote Bart Simpson: “Victor Mature, what an actor!” This is some OG Vegas-movie stuff right here, and you’d be remiss not to soak it all in. Howard Hughes made it, and there’s a good chance you’re living on some Hughes land right now. Do it for Hank. Or at the very least, do it so they bring the series back next year and show The Aviator. (more…)

BRITNEY REPORTEDLY HAULS $20M FOR PLANET HOLLYWOOD

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That’s enough to pay for like one Gaga outfit made of beryllium and pegasus wings.

Britney Spears Planet Hollywood residency has been good to the tune of $20 million toward the Planet Hollywood bottom line, according to a report.

Which is an impressive performance for that one Greatest Hits: My Prerogative CD. Sure, they’ve got to pay the dancers a little something, too. But that CD is the breakout star of the show. It’s why they paid $30 million over two years for that CD. They probably could’ve got it for like 12 bucks at Best Buy, but, you know. With that kind of money rolling in, the P-Ho can afford to splurge. (more…)

1014TUE: THE ROUNDUP

Tossers
A Celtic band in a pub? What next? Clever allusions to James Joyce?

The Tossers are a Celtic-punk band. But you knew that already, because they’re called “The Tossers.” If you really want to surprise your audience as a Celtic-punk band, you should probably go with “Ulster Is Quite Nice Sometimes.” Regardless, they’re at Vinyl tonight (8 p.m., $15-$20) and it’s not even St. Patrick’s Day. Feel free to get annihilated on Jameson, though. That’ll play year-round. (more…)

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