CHRIS JERICHO SUPLEXES WAY INTO BODY ENGLISH

Jericho
That, we’re guessing, isn’t Chris’ first vodka of the night. (Photo by Chase Stevens | Kabik Photo)

WWE luminary Chris Jericho hung out with The Miz and Pantera’s Vinnie Paul in a delightfully ’90s moment Saturday night at Body English.

Jericho, non-wrasslin’ endeavors include his metal band, Fozzy. And sure enough, Body English bumped their “Break the Walls Down” when Jericho came into the joint, as if there’s any other way for a wrestler to enter a venue than with a personal theme song blaring. That has to be the hardest part about retiring from the WWE: You don’t get to bust through the doors to Von’s to “Grab Them Cakes” every time you run out of milk. No wonder The Undertaker still hangs on for yearly Wrestlemania appearances. Did you see how badass it was when he marched through smoke to Johnny Cash? We’d wrestle ’til we were 183 years old, too. (more…)

0116FRI: THE ROUNDUP

Schneider
Rob Schneider, seen here confused by mosaics.

How often do you get the chance to see the vaccine-hatin’est member of Grown Ups live and in person? Rarely. That’s how often. Tonight’s your chance, though, when Rob Schneider opens up the first of two nights at the South Point (7:30 p.m. $30-$40). The man’s impressive, if for no other reason than because in the wave of anti-Adam Sandler resentment that poured out of the Sony leaks, he seems to have emerged unscathed. (more…)

JOHNNY AVELLO PICKS OUT OSCAR FAVORITES

Boyhood
The poster is just the opening shot of the movie? Way to put in the effort, marketing department.

Our favorite annual film tradition is back: Wynn oddsmaker Johnny Avello predicts this year’s Oscars. Avello is really, really good at this–his only miss last year came in the Best Supporting Actress category where he gave the slight edge to Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle over Lupita Nyong’o in 12 Years a Slave in what was essentially a coin-flip race.

The frontrunner for Best Picture? Richard Linklater’s coming-of-age odyssey Boyhood. Which could have been just as easily called Shitty Stepfathers: The Movie. Looks like a bad year to be Wes Anderson and The Grand Budapest Hotel. Despite the fact that the latter was a way better movie (and had an actual, you know, plot), Wes didn’t follow Ralph Fiennes around for 12 years. So.

This years, Avello sees most races as a virtual lock except for Best Actor, where Michael Keaton (Birdman) is slightly odds-on at 5-to-6 and Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything) is a tick worse than even money at 11-to-10. Defy these picks in your Oscar pool at your own peril. (more…)

0115THURS: THE ROUNDUP

DJMustard
Eagerly awaiting his collab with DJ Pastrami.

DJ Mustard (real name, no guff, is Dijon) pops into Light tonight. The “Rack City” producer really should have a bunch of chorus girls behind him, like those Old Gold girls, all decked out like condiments. It could be a thing. You wouldn’t go to see a monthly Picnic residency? Of course you would, who are you even trying to fool? (more…)

MARIAH MAKES IT OFFICIAL

MariahResidency
Dammit, Mariah, this is no time for modesty. This is national television. Go into full cleavage mode.

In-between bouts of awkward dancing and mumbly self-deprication, Ellen DeGeneres let Mariah Carey announce on her show that Mariah’s Vegas residency is a done deal. And Ellen also hooked up her audience with tickets to the show and a stay at Caesars because she’s got that network money and how’s the move to cable going now Oprah?

The show will be called Mariah Carey’s #1′s, because she is apparently terrible at naming shows. Or Caesars wouldn’t let her call it Goddammit, You Will See Glitter Whether You Like it or Not. It won’t just be all 18 of her No. 1 jams, though, it’ll also include album cuts and stuff she’s never played live. For those keeping score at home, the No. 1 singles are:

    “Vision of Love”

  • “Love Takes Time”
  • “Someday”
  • “I Don’t Wanna Cry”
  • “Emotions”
  • “I’ll Be There”
  • “Dreamlover”
  • “Hero”
  • “Fantasy”
  • “One Sweet Day”
  • “Always Be My Baby”
  • “I Never Should Have Broke Up With Derek Jeter and Married Nick Cannon”
  • “My All”
  • “Heartbreaker”
  • “Thank God I Found You (Dedicated to Derek Jeter)”
  • “We Belong Together (Also Dedicated to Derek Jeter)”
  • “Don’t Forget About Us (Still Dedicated to Derek Jeter)”
  • “Touch My Body (Ibid)”

Tickets run $55 to $250 and opening night is set for May 6. Right now she’s confirmed for 18 dates in May and July. She’s also working on an album of all new cuts of those No. 1 jams, just as soon as Jeter starts returning her phone calls. (more…)

0114WED: THE ROUNDUP

DudeAbiding
Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski.

Planning on checking out the benign stoner noir of Inherent Vice this Oscar season? Why not take in an amuse boche of the original stoner noir, The Big Lebowski, tonight at Inspire Theater? The flick is free with the purchase of one lonesome cocktail. Sure, you could order a Caucasian. If you want to be all That Guy about it. (more…)

KASKADE, ALESSO LEAD RESIDENCY SEASON

Kaskade
Kaskame of Thrones (Photo by Danny Mahoney)

It’s January, which means it’s time to fire up DJ Residency Roulette, where the wheel of exclusive DJ gigs spins and spins, and you’ll have to get used to an entirely new set of doormen to follow your favorite dance music maestro at their new home. And after you invested all that time and money learning who would settle for Grants instead of Franklins.

First to get in the poaching game, XS, which landed Kaskade from Marquee for a “multi-year exclusive” deal. Conveniently, Kaskade is doing a Reddit AMA right now, where he suggested he’ll be doing more than just his stage set at Coachella.

“Would you consider playing a redux set for Coachella?” user disguiseyourself asks. “Not on the big stage but maybe I post up in the parking lot and work it out.”

So there you go. Kaskade might set up in the Coachella parking lot, between the guys pregaming with beer pong and the guys pregaming with Evan Williams and Diet Rite. First, he hits XS on January 30.

Over at Light, they put out their full lineup in a new, post-Hakkasan world. Alesso leads the charge, to nobody’s surprise. Returning is Carl Cox, Axwell and Ingrosso, Baauer, GTA, A-Trak, Bassjackers, Clockwork, Sultan + Ned Shepard and Norman Doray. New up are Disclosure, Fatboy Slim (also formerly of Marquee), Morgan Page (sliding over from XS), Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (mostly Surrender/Encore Beach Club) and Will.I.Am (likewise).

KURT BUSCH DATED AN ASSASSIN


When a sniper shoots out his tires on the last lap at Daytona, you won’t be laughing then. (Photo by Hilary Helton)

Kurt Busch says his ex-girlfriend is a trained assassin.

Hang on, let that sink in for a minute.

KURT BUSCH SAYS HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND IS A TRAINED ASSASSIN.

The NASCAR driver and native Las Vegan is over a restraining order filed by Patricia Driscoll, his former girlfriend of four years, because, among other things, “He said Driscoll left in camouflage gear only to return later wearing a trench coat over an evening gown covered with blood” and that she “told him she was a mercenary who killed people for a living and had shown him pictures of bodies with gunshot wounds.”

Lawyers were unable to comment about the DVD of Mr. and Mrs. Smith playing in the background during Busch’s testimony.

As bugfuck insane as this all sounds, Busch’s assistant says Driscoll once told him, “I take down foreign governments. I own Washington.” Which is funny, because she’s not a corporate lobbyist. (HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.) For her part, Driscoll says Busch is just taking details from a movie script she’s been working on and passing it off as the truth. Which, you know. NASCAR. It’s not unbelievable.

The restraining order Driscoll is after comes after she says Bush grabbed her by the throat and slammed her head into a wall three times. Which kind of discredits the assassin claims. If she was that badass, she would’ve just shivved him right there with her knife-boots, or hit him with her watch-laser.

The bigger point is, Driscoll is single now. You’re a goddamn liar if you’re telling us you don’t want to date an assassin. Just remember, Patty, bloggers live just as bonkers an adrenaline-fueled life as race-car drivers, and we’d never dime you out in public for bumping off the presidente-for-life of Ciudad Donkeyfuck. (more…)

0113TUE: THE ROUNDUP

turkuaz
For when you really need your neckbeards in monochromatic jumpsuits.

Do you want the funk? Gotta have that funk? Then you need Brooklyn Bowl, where Turkuaz and :sigh: Sophistafunk are playing tonight (7 p.m.). Really, funk bands? You can’t just give it a rest with shoehorning “funk” into your names? Ska bands are right there, where you can see how terrible it is. Is that what you want? To be more like ska bands? (more…)

THE WEEKND PUNCHED A METRO COP. ALLEGEDLY.

Weeknd
Wait, in Half-Baked Harland Williams went to jail just for punching a cop’s horse. (Photo by Karl Larson)

Three e-hating R&B singer The Weeknd got into a scrap at The Cromwell on Saturday, and when a Metro officer arrived to break it up, they allegedly caught a punch to the head for their trouble. The singer was charged with misdemeanor battery of a protected person. He was since released. A separate charge of having incredibly stupid hair is expected to follow shortly. (more…)

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