Almost positive that’s John Hodgman in the middle.

The important thing to remember across the next couple of days: Bullying one of your friends into doing all the driving will not only be fun, from a social-dynamics perspective, but it in theory can save you lots of money if you don’t wind up having to shell out for a DUI. It’s totally a win-win. Except for your one friend there.

We know how it is. You only own one green leprechaun suit, and you don’t want to have to change clothes. And really, the only acceptable excuse for that is if you start partying tonight and keep going through Monday morning. Here’s how to make that happen:

  • 6:30 p.m. — Assuming you get out of work at 6, and need to ease into the transition period between work-related stress and happy-go-lucky drinking, The Range 702 is offering a Luck of the Irish package. It’s a $35 add-on to any of their other shooting packages that includes five rounds with a Desert Eagle and a leprechaun target. That’s what the little bastard gets for holding out on his gold.
  • 7:30 p.m. — Head Downtown to The D, where they have a Blarney Stone you can kiss at Vue Bar. May as well hit the Longbar while you’re here.
  • 8 p.m. — Catch the last hour of Darby O’Gill and the Little People’s set at the Main Street Stage. It’ll really set the tone for the weekend when they play “Got So Drunk I Crapped Myself.”
  • 9 p.m. — You can’t go the whole weekend without taking in the Irish pubs. McMullan’s goes all-out over St. Pat’s weekend, and the Bogtrotter’s Union plays tonight. We’re not going to pretend by 11 p.m. you won’t be so full of Jameson that you won’t be able to stand up, let alone bar-hop. It’s a comfy place to settle in for the evening until your press-ganged friend can come collect you.


  • 2 p.m. — After sleeping off that bitch of a hangover, sample the hair of the dog at Lavo, where Lavo Brunch is doing an open Guinness bar until 3 p.m. Brunch of champions, really.
  • 5 p.m. — Swing over to New York-New York for Celtic Feis. They have stuff going on between Nine Fine Irishmen and the Brooklyn Bridge, like the Limey Bar Stewards playing outdoors. We’re also pretty sure one of their bars will have Powers. You should drink lots of that.
  • 9 p.m. — Now here’s the crux of the thing. The best part of St. Pat’s weekend is Flogging Molly’s annual stop in Vegas, this time with Mariachi El Bronx at Boulevard Pool, for those who want a brass section with their Celtic rock. Will there be fiddles? Oh yes, there will be fiddles.
  • Midnight – Sara Underwood is at Gallery. We have no idea if she’s Irish or not, but she is a former Playmate of the Year so, you know what? We’ll go ahead and just pretend either way.


  • 1 p.m. — Your liver has come this far. May as well finish the job. Get up early(ish) and hit up Ghostbar Dayclub for their St. Patrick’s edition, with hosted bar from 1 to 2 p.m. You’re going to be drinking a lot today, so may as well start for free.
  • 4 p.m. — Commonwealth downtown is offering $3 shots of Jameson and $3 Guinness. Again, economy is a major consideration at this point, especially after the last two nights you had.
  • 6 p.m. — While you’re again Downtown, the Fremont Street Experience is doing its annual St. Pat’s pub crawl. RSVP here for free parking at the FSE, even.
  • 10 p.m. — Make your friend drive you back to the Strip for Hyde’s XIV Sessions, where Zen Freeman is spinning the special St. Patrick’s edition.
  • 11:50 p.m. — There’s only one way this evening can end. At a strip club. You knew that when you signed on. If you get to Crazy Horse III, they’re doing $5 Jamesons before midnight. Getting there 10 minutes early should give you enough time to rifle back eight or 10 to fuel the terrible decision you’re going to make the rest of the night and into the next morning when you no-show for work.
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