Can we face the peril? No, it’s too perilous.

Angelica Bridges replacement in Fantasy at the Luxor will be Lorena Peril, which would be a completely awesome name for a Bond girl. She’s an international woman of mystery and danger, foiling Russian plots and insidious terrorists in her sparkly underthings! Actually, we think we may have just found a new show for NBC’s fall lineup. We, uh. We have to go.

• Montana Fishburne adds assault to her prostitution, pornography rap sheets. Man, when we were 19 we weren’t nearly that accomplished. It’s nice to see one of America’s young go-getters at work.
• John McCain now agrees that Snooki is too pretty for jail. You know what? We’re glad he’s not the president.
• Hair extension company suing Paris Hilton for $35 million. She probably could’ve got off cheaper if she went to a Claire’s Boutique or something.
  

  By Jason Scavone

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