Well played, Haze. Well played, indeed. (Photo by Scott Harrison | Retna)

Every weekend, there are celebrities in town. Every weekend, those celebrities are handed ostentatious cakes for a variety of reasons. Frequently, those cakes will be for birthdays, but if the celeb in question isn’t celebrating, don’t worry. The clubs will come up with a reason.

The Celebu-Cake Weekend Roundup is an attempt to document the pastry that moves us, that challenges us. That’s giving our invited celebrities the diabeetus.

• Common: We’re not even messing around here. We’re going straight to the top. Common’s birthday cake at Haze Friday night makes us want to throw it on our shoulder and walk through the Bronx blaring a tape of “The Message” and getting into some sort of breakdance fight. Which would probably result in the cake getting crushed when we flop over trying to do a headspin. And also that can’t play tapes because it is in fact, a cake. But still. FIVE SLICES!
• Jerome Bettis: How many bus-themed cakes has Bettis received during his life? It’s probably more than the actual number of birthdays he’s had. We’re not sure how you’d even make an original Bettis-themed cake, unless you sculpted a life-size cake of the Cleveland Browns starting line and let him hit the hole. TWO SLICES!
• Terry Fator: Fator had puppet-themed cupcakes at his one-year anniversary party. This is both terrifying AND not enough cake. ZERO SLICES!

By Jason Scavone

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