Other bad usernames: FurryLuv, MascotMan, ThisIsn’tAsWeirdAsYouThinkItIsNoReallyISwearPleaseTalkToMe.

How do you decide who to “wink” at when perusing Match.com? Or who to message and make good use out of an eHarmony subscription? What counts more: their photo, profile or their chosen username?

A survey of online daters found that a bad username can really hinder selection when picking a potential partner. Newslite.tv found that people with adjectives in their username were significantly less likely to be chosen for a date, as were people who used overly descriptive language. But using words like “millionaire” or “footballer” in your username didn’t tend to hinder people from getting selected. Blame it on Millionaire Matchmaker and Footballer’s Wives popularity.

“Choosing a username is the first step to creating an online dating profile,” says Lexi Proud, founder of ArrangeMeADate.com, which conducted the study.

So, while you might think your username gives your profile a personal touch, like LonelySexyGurl or BigGuns101, it’s actually going to make people stay away (Ed. note: What if they’re just a fan of the Skid Row song “Big Guns?” What do you mean, “Still not helping?” Welp. Off to change the ol’ screen name.). Without potential suitors seeing your personality, whatever adjectives you throw into your screen name don’t necessarily make sense, and it can come across as weird.

“Adjectives such as shy, sexy, wild and lonely can typecast people rather than draw in admirers, and putting words like wacky, zany and quirky in front of your name does little more than make you seem odd,” Proud said.

Makes sense. We know online dating can be hard enough, what, with its online-ness and no actual, real face time. It’s probably hard to tell which people are using photos from 15 years ago, or currently on probation. (Ed. note: The screen name “AnkleBracelet576″ is probably a giveaway.) With that said, here are some usernames, and anything along these lines, you should probably avoid chatting up on dating sites:

• Sad&Lonely1: Hey there, you sound real fun. Who wouldn’t want to have coffee with someone who desperately needs to take Paxil and Xanax and drink to stifle their real emotions? (Ed note: We like to call Paxil, Xanax and a drink “Sunday night dinner.”)
• BigPimpinDaddy: That’s great, you’re so hot you’re pimpin’ the women … and, um, looking for a date online. First off, it’s not believable, second, words like “pimpin’” or “big pimpin’,” “pimpin’ daddy,” anything of the like – probably not the image you want to convey of yourself if you’re really looking to date someone. Pimps aren’t usually the best boyfriends. And yes, I know from experience. (Ed. note: You mean unless you get a bona fide good pimp like Butters Stotch, right?)
• Hot2Trot: If you’re not hot, this is a bad name choice. No one likes a liar. But even if you’re hot, these names sound like you’re a 14-year-old girl with low self-esteem, and you’re asserting your sexuality online. Which, I guess you are, in a way, by dating online. But I’ll move on. (Ed. note: Again, what if you’re just a big fan of the 1988 Bobcat Goldthwait talking horse comedy Hot to Trot? Still no exception? Welp. Off to change the other screen name.)
• XXXratedguy: The XXX thing is trying just a bit too hard. Are you a porn star? Just breakin’ into the biz, perhaps in do-it-yourself porn? (Ed. note: What if you’re just a fan of the Vin Dies– you know what? Nevermind. Never happen.)
• Cuddle Monster: Creepy. Especially if your profile photo is you flexing your pecs shirtless.
• Frisco_Ho: Okay, if you still can’t tell from it spelled out in front of you: she’s a ho. She’ll be a ho. (Ed. note: We thought this was supposed to be a column on what names not to pick? We’re all in favor of truth in slutty advertising.)
• RyGuy69: Anything followed by a 69? He’s either immature and horny or a delightful wit, depending on your taste in Rob Schneider movies.
• ITISWHATITIS27: What’s up, Indifferent Guy? I totally want to hang out with an indecisive person who couldn’t really care either/or about what I’m saying the entire night.
• DaMan4U: You’re just so perfect, charming, funny, handsome, every girl’s dream guy … that you’re trying to find “the one” online? Right. (Ed. note: To be fair, it’s less about finding “the one” online than it is about finding Frisco_Ho online.)

Got a question, problem or a rash you can’t get rid of? Let contributor Stephanie Sims help. Write us, and maybe if you’re good and promise to stop chasing the cat around with that jar of peanut butter, it’ll find its way into the column.

By Stephanie Sims

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