‘Trick or treat!’ ‘Well don’t you all look adora– Great White? Is that you? Oh, you little scamp.’

So, we’ve come to this. We’re so starved for thrills, so bored with everything that’s on our plate that we are no longer terrified of sharks? How did this happen? Wasn’t it just in the ’70s when Amityville Horror was based on a true story? Wasn’t it just in the ’90s when people thought The Blair Witch Project was an actual documentary? Wasn’t it just in the ’30s when people thought German immigrants would steal your children if you didn’t leave six pretzels and a sausage on your porch as an offering? (Should’ve erred on the side of caution, Lindberghs.)

Well apparently, sharks, a killing machine so perfect they’re made out of teeth and hate, aren’t scary enough. The Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay decided 4,000 pounds of murder behind two inches of glass wasn’t freaky enough, and are turning it into the Haunted Reef on Halloween.

“Rattling chains, creaking doors and haunting music will replace the normally soothing sounds of the ocean and the jungle. As visitors walk through Haunted Reef’s dark and spooky tunnels they will pass ghostly decorations and jack-o-lanterns lining the walls,” says the press release.

Oh, good. Spice up that prehistoric monster from beneath the depths, whose only weaknesses are Roy Scheider and oxygen, with a few hollowed-out gourds. At least costumed kids get in free and get candy. Anyone 17 and up can give blood. To the United Blood Services, for free admission, or to the bunch of pissed off sharks who can add the humiliation of not-being-scary-enough to their already homicidal fury against all mankind.

By Jason Scavone

Comments RSS