Those are the second-biggest Chance cards we’ve ever seen. (Photo by Virgil Wilson)

Staying out of the hoosegow. It’s good advice for life, and good advice for collecting novelty checks. Las Vegan Kim Heinan collected $50,000 as the thimble in the Monopoly Advance to Go tournament at Bally’s … and look who came in dead last. Why, it’s our old buddy the shoe. Let’s go to the game tape, shall we?

Even if you come in absolutely dead last, you get $500. We’re predicting that’s going to be the shoe, but no promises. We know from vast Monopoly experience that if you get stuck with the shoe, you’re going to be lucky to even get houses on Connecticut Avenue. But even if you draw shoe, you’re getting at least $500, so this will be the one time you don’t have to worry about the dude with the iron getting cocky.”

Oh, look who knows what Monopoly pieces suck. That would be us. You should follow our advice about everything, because clearly we know what we’re talking about. Now go down to Las Vegas and Charleston and start waving around a roll of twenties screaming that no one can rip that cash out of your iron grip.

Second place was Patricia Roser (top hat) of New Orleans, netting $20,000. Third and $15,000 went to Karen Suhr (car) of Lincoln, Neb. Harvey Minkler (dog) of Phoenix grabbed $10,000; and the shoe, Kay Shamis of Morrison, Colo., took home $5,000

Congrats go out to our boy Paul Coleman, who got himself on Team Hat and got $1,500 richer from entering the contest right here.

The Monopoly World Championships are at Caesars Palace Oct. 21 and 22, pitting the top Monopoly players in the world against each other to try to capture a title. We guarantee you none of them are going to be the shoe.

By Jason Scavone

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