He’s right. No one ever had a bad time on a Waverunner. (Via myspace.com/daniel_tosh)

Daniel Tosh delivers rapid-fire, black-hearted comedy with a smile tonight at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay with Jasper Redd at 8 p.m, but if you’re not into that sort of thing you can probably while away a few hours amusing yourself with your Dane Cook CDs, Gallagher videotapes or a nice shiny quarter taped to a string that the neighborhood kids swing around to get your attention while they sing-song derogatory chants at you. We’re pretty sure you don’t want that. If you insist on something else, though, you have a few choices.

• Rush performs at the Mandalay Bay Events Center.
• Double Down (4640 Paradise Rd.) has Original Booty Burglars, MillionKids, Arrow Down, Parannoyd, and Rich White Males.
• From 2 to 5 p.m. Jillian’s at Neonopolis is having a registration drive for potential bone marrow donors, then at 6 p.m. welcomes Millionaires, UIltraViolet, Verbatym, Red Hot Radio and Amarionette.
• Rox (5285 Dean Martin Drive) brings in Attic of Love, Plank Road, More than Mortal, Anew Betrayal and Chameleon Conductor at 8 p.m.
• Divebar (3035 E. Tropicana Ave.) features Pearl (with Scott Ian of Anthrax), Myra Roxx and McQueen.
• The Bunkhouse (124 S. 11th St.) presents Heavy Money and 13 Miles.
• Beauty Bar (517 Fremont St.) holds College Night.
• Red Room (3101 W. Sahara Ave.) has Atomic Saturdays.
• The Thunderbird (1215 Las Vegas Blvd.) hosts Reggae Night with DJ Handgun at 11 p.m., and also presents Downtown Underground Beer Pong.
• Puff (1030 E. Flamingo Road) has Puffaholic Saturdays Faarsheed and SmashBox.

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Special hidden deleted scene bonus footage: Just in case you’re on the fence about Daniel Tosh, YouTube comes to the rescue.

By Jason Scavone

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