Bet you didn’t expect to see a picture of Mario Lopez and a cow wearing a dress today, did you? (Via myspace.com/mariolopez1)

Mario Lopez hosts Tao Beach’s Hot Bodies celebration today at 10 a.m. inside The Venetian. We assume Dennis Haskins had something else important going on. You could also check out the Palms Place grand opening or Christina Aguilera at Luxor’s LAX. If none of that appeals to you, read on. Events at 10 p.m. lest noted. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

We have nothing else to add. (Via HBO.com)

That sound you hear is a city full of ovaries buzzing for the Sex and the City movie premiere. (We still can’t stop laughing over Rex Reed’s assessment, “They’re not angels, but they’re still here, working hard to please their fans, like plow donkeys wearing lipstick.”) What better way to celebrate this series written by the insipid for the shallow than with movie event tie-ins?

Blackbook702 hosts a party starting at 6:45 p.m. at The Palms’ Brenden Theaters featuring offerings from The Cupcakery, Escada, Jimmy Choo and serves up Las Vegas Vodka Cosmopolitans. Tickets are even tax-deductible as the evening benefits The Public Education Foundation. Dos Caminos inside The Palazzo, meanwhile, offers a four-cocktail flight where each drink corresponds to one of the characters. Try to guess which beverage makes you the slutty, old one.*

If you’re one of the unfortunate dudes dragged along to this interminable shrieking henfest of a film, we recommend quietly slitting your wrists before the third act. If you have a pair and refused to go along, read on for your options. Events at 10 p.m. unless noted. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Cowboys fans everywhere are near-suicidal over her reunion with Tony Romo. HA-hah! (Photo by Scott Harrison)

Palms Place has its official launch party tomorrow night at 9 p.m. with a DJ set from daddy-to-be Pete Wentz, whose impressive turntable skills led Fall Out Boy to be the groundbreaking hip-hop sensation that it is.

Set to show are Wentz’s sister-in-law, Jessica Simpson, who had some well-placed words of caution for Jennifer Aniston, Ashley Scott, Eve, Donald Faison, Ian Ziering (about time someone got some star power up in this piece), Lauren Bosworth, Lauren Conrad, Lisa Rinna, Luke Wilson, Michael Vartan, Robert Iler, who was just the victim of an unfortunate craning, Romany Malco, Sarah Larson, Stephen Colletti and Verne Troyer.

By Jason Scavone

Christina Aguilera dreams of Jeanie. (Photo by Scott Harrison)

Christina Aguilera, whose transformation from Britney knock-off who you think might be kind of whorish to retro glamor girl who you’re now kind of hoping might still be a little whorish has been one of the more intriguing surprises in the pop-diva world over the last five years, will host LAX inside Luxor Saturday night.

She’s also an investor in the club, so at least booking was easy.

By Jason Scavone

When you’re already that intimidating, is it necessary to change your name to an action that can result in dismemberment?

Chef Josh Green has worked with celebrities like Dave Matthews and Jon Bon Jovi. He’s worked with athletes like Chauncey Billups. He even briefly worked with rock zombie and coolest-guy-on-the-planet Keith Richards (who, we were told, has a fondness for bacon sandwiches — Keef scoffs at your mortal concept of death). But how do you feed a human killing machine? With protein pancakes, apparently.

The 26-year-old has been working for about six months with mixed martial artist Kimbo Slice, a man whose rise to the professional ranks was fueled by his ability to pummel nameless challengers into pulpy goo in a series of videos circulating the Internet.

Slice, fighting for fledgling MMA outfit EliteXC, will bring the sport into prime time tomorrow night in the aptly named EliteXC: Primetime at 9 p.m. on CBS when he fights James Thompson. If Thompson can last longer than a minute against Slice, he’d be the first. Click for more words and pictures »

By Jason Scavone

Are you kidding? That’s it. We’re going home to learn how to DJ, right now.

DJ Tiesto stopped by Brand Steakhouse at Monte Carlo last night with friend Paula Vargas for surf and turf. Comedian Robert Schimmel, who performs tonight and tomorrow at the casino, was also there. Schimmel, it should be noted, not only beat cancer, but married a girl two years older than his daughter. We’re pretty sure he’s not even human, but some sort of indestructible force of nature.

St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson, meanwhile, as at N9NE Steakhouse with coach Scott Linehan and one other guest talking football the entire night. Jackson had the filet and creamed corn (we didn’t think anyone ate that stuff voluntarily as an adult) and chased it with a few Palomas.

By Jason Scavone

(Photos by Jessica Blair | SpyOnVegas.com)

You’re sure going out of the house in just that tight little vest is a good idea? You’re sure?

Because we’re not so positive, ourselves.

By Jason Scavone

Molly and Holly from Sunset Tan will soon be joined be joined by Ollie Hardy. (Photo by Scott Harrison)

You know what’s better than cutting out of work early to hang out by the pool? Cutting out of work early to hang out by the pool with bikini models.

LA Sunset Tan puts on a fashion show today at the Palms pool at 1:30 p.m. featuring the work of the humanitarians at Dare Me Bikini. Doing the Lord’s work, those people.

The cast of Sunset Tan will be there to film the event for Season 2 of the show, including the Olly Girls, LA Sunset Tan founders/owners Devin Haman and Jeff Bozz, Janelle Perry, Nick D’Anna, Ania Migdal and Erin Tietsort. Comic Josh Nasar hosts.

By Jason Scavone

Revealed at the Flamingo has been canceled for the remainder of Toni Braxton’s engagement. The show premiered August 2006 and was set to run through August of this year. She was hospitalized April 7 for chest pains.

Donny and Marie Osmond will debut their Flamingo production in September.

By Jason Scavone

There is something amazing in this photo, but it has nothing to do with Spider-Man. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

Jennifer Tilly, Antonio Esfandiari and Phil Laak helped kick off the World Series of Poker season last night at Tao inside The Venetian for the official start-of-the-grind throwdown. From now until the middle of July — and then again for the main event final table in November — players will battle to see who can be the one to have their aces cracked in the most excruciating way possible.

A few numbers from last night’s party: Number of professional poker players? Three. Number of people who think they’re one good run away from building a bankroll that will allow them to tell the boss to kiss off? 78. Percentage of conversations involving “the river?” 97.

Also, we’re sure the waitress loves the fact that she can’t set down the bottle of Grey Goose because Esfandiari brought a deck of cards and got everyone in on a game of seven-card stud. Just a tip, magic man: No, her card wasn’t the king of spades. She’s just saying that to be nice. Now do you need more cranberry juice or what?

By Jason Scavone