THE LONG GOODBYE

Well. This is awkward.

It’s been nearly eight years and 10,000 blog posts since I took over this particular Vegas news outlet/ snark dispensary. Seems like as good a time as any to move on.

(Do we need to Kubler-Ross this up together? Cool, let’s rock: “This is just an elaborate ruse, right? Tell me it’s an elaborate ruse.” “No? Well fuck you, then. I never liked this stupid blog anyway.” “I didn’t mean that. Tell you what, we’ll drink so much bourbon together if this train keeps rolling.” “Hell with it. The bourbon will just run out anyway, just like everything else in my stupid life.” “Screw it. I’ll just go look at girls on SpyOn anyway.”)

As to what becomes of this website? Stay tuned. Whether it continues on in another form or soldiers along with a new editor is as of yet undecided.

As for me, personally? You’ll see me around. Whether in the pages of Vegas Seven as a contributor, in my next soon-to-be-announced endeavor, or else in the story under the headline “Drunken Pantsless Man Tries to Kiss Topless Claire Sinclair on Pin-Up Stage, Arrested.” If you’d like to follow me personally on Twitter, that would be swell. I’d love to stay in touch with those of you who’ve followed along for years, waiting for me to (frequently) do or say something (exceedingly) stupid. Or you can just keep on with the Fiasco accounts, where I’ll be announcing any more definitive site news when appropriate.

Thank you for your time.

That is all.

NICK CANNON, AMBER ROSE TOGETHER AT DRAI’S

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Nick Cannon, slowly morphing into Ludacris before our eyes. (Photos by Patrick Gray | ErikKabik.com)

Amber Rose, the Prius of the hip-hop world (not necessarily the conventional model you’d expect to become a status symbol, but eventually, everyone just has to have one), was hanging out with her manager, Nick Cannon at Drai’s on Sunday night while Cannon DJ’ed. She wore slightly more than string, to the disappointment of an eager club.

You know, say what you want about Mariah, but at least she had hair. Isn’t she a little young for Nick, anyway? And by “young” we mean “age-appropriate.”

Cannon_v1 Cannon_v2

FARRAH ABRAHAM RIDES A PLASTIC HORSE, DOE SNOT UNDERSTAND TOGAS

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The Farrah Abraham experience. (Photo by Joe Fury)

In town during AVN weekend to ultimately lose the Best Celebrity Sex Tape category to Tila Tequila (First of all, who didn’t see “Tila Tequila sex tape” coming and second of all, who loses to Tila Tequila? Even Juggalos didn’t lose to Tila Tequila.), Farrah Abraham and her somewhat-less-fucked-up-lips got her money’s worth out of the trip by hosting a toga party at Ghostbar Dayclub on Saturday.

It’s just that her idea of “toga party costume” somehow worked out to “trashy mummy.” She went with new boyfriend Simon Saran, who, despite all evidence suggesting otherwise, thought it was fine to sign up for Farrah Abraham Boyfriend Duty.

Showing off that trademark Abraham wit and charm, she said her desert island items would be: “I would bring my toothbrush, lotion, my daughter, my mom, my dad. I don’t know I’d need my family if I was stranded but I think I’d need a toothbrush.”

On Thursday, Abraham had dinner at N9NE, and on Friday she and Saran partied with the Penthouse girls at Life. (more…)

DIPLO HEADS XS RESIDENT LIST

Diplo
Staying put, mainly for the view. (Photo by Danny Mahoney | SPYONvegas.com)

Residency season continues apace. XS announced its 2015 roster, and there’s not a lot in the way of surprises. The key player on the dial is EDM’s Clown Prince of Crime, Diplo, who brings back his own personal brand of high weirdness to the beat factory. Smart move, adding at least one DJ who has a sense of humor to the otherwise dour ranks of self-important Europeans (or, charitably, “Europeans whose sense of humor doesn’t translate well”). Though the club is continuing on with its Alec Monopoly shows as well, showing some love to the art world (or “art” world, whatever) along the way.

The full lineup includes Arty, Avicii, Cazzette, David Guetta, Dillon Francis, DJ Snake, Flosstradamus, Grandtheft, Jermaine Dupri, Kaskade, Laidback Luke, Lil Jon, Major Lazer, Martin Solveig, Manufactured Superstars, Miss Nine, RL Grime, Skrillex, Slander, Tommy Trash, Will Sparks, Wolfgang Gartner, Yellow Claw, TJR and Zedd. (more…)

MIKE TYSON TALKS MADONNA, MUSSOLINI

TysonMystery
You can’t argue with a man who can do this.

Mike Tyson talked to Rolling Stone about guesting on a Madonna track, in his never-ending quest to squeeze all the WTF out of life he possibly can. And you’d think it would end there, with Tyson just talking about the circumstances that led him to be on a Madonna track in 2014, like the last 20 years just never happened or something. Then you remember this is Mike Tyson we’re talking about.

“When I did it, I think about being some guy like [Benito] Mussolini and they’re really arrogant, but you try to come from a positive perspective and be uplifting. You watch Mussolini on television — even though we don’t understand what he’s saying — he is so mesmerizing. I look at myself in that way.

“I know people may say ‘this guy’s a fascist’ and all this stuff, but man, you can take positivity from watching him,” added Tyson. “No wonder why Hitler was attracted to him. This guy’s a hypnotic figure. There’s so much pride behind what he’s saying. I’m not even Italian and I feel the pride he’s projecting. He had that street swag; he was doing this stuff with his hands and moving his head before it was even hip-hop.”

Mike Tyson looks at himself like Mussolini. Does, uh. Does Mike not know how things ended up for Benny? It’s kind of so famously grizzly that there’s a band named for it and everything. Maybe Tyson’s just a big Cheers fan? Also? Italians moving their hands when they talk isn’t hip-hop or street swag. It’s just that we basically have digital Tourette’s. (more…)

VINCE NEIL: BURGER MAKER

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Grills, grills, grills. (Photos by Erik Kabik)

Tucked into the middle of this entertaining GQ piece on Motley Crue’s last ride comes word that Vince Neil has plans, among his ever-shifting business landscape, to open a burger joint. (Sure. Why not.) But not just any burger joint.

“It’s called Quickee Burgers,” he says. “And it’ll be just, like, a kiosk, and it’s only $5, and you only get a burger, fries, and a Coke—$5. That’s it. You just get those three things.”

Of course Vince Neil is opening a burger joint, and of course it’s going to be called “Quickee Burgers” and of course he’s incredibly blithe about the whole thing, and of course Mike Tyson and Ian Ziering are investors. For real. So it’s a safe bet that this is going to turn up in the Westgate or Circus Circus or some other benighted joint. Plus, they’re missing out on a huge opportunity to do a Sharknado burger. (more…)

NIC CAGE, FOUR YEARS LATE, GOES LOOKING FOR BIN LADEN

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We’re just sad he’s not playing Osama. (Via Instagram.com/Gunsnroses)

The national treasure of National Treasure, and surprise Las Vegan, Nic Cage is going hunting for Osama bin Laden. Seinfeld writer and Borat director Larry Charles tabbed Cage for his searching-for-Osama satire Army of One. It’s being presented as “semi-scripted,” which means we have the very distinct and real possibility of Nic Cage going off-script for 120 minutes. Shut up and take our money. (more…)

MANDATORY FUN DECLARED AT PLANET HOLLYWOOD

WeirdAl
We have always been at war with Uncle Nutzy’s Clubhouse.

America’s Sweetheart, “Weird” Al Yankovic, is finally getting the five-date run he so richly deserves after 2014, The Year of “Weird,” made everyone collectively go “Oh wait, I used to love that guy.” Take it from someone who’s been down to Primm for “Weid” Al shows: It’s not Al that changed, it’s you. The weird has been inside you all along, li’l shaver.

Yankovic will take his rightful place among the Strip’s luminaries when he kicks off a five-show run at Planet Hollywood May 12-16. Tickets are $59 and $89, which, again, is amazing considering he was just playing Primm last year. They let you into Primm shows if you just agree to tighten a few bolts on the roller coaster there. (more…)

0119MON: THE ROUNDUP

CodyCanada
God, that thing looks like it gets a quarter mile to the gallon. It’s glorious.

Texas alt-country act Cody Canada and The Departed comes to Brooklyn Bowl tonight (7:30 p.m., $16.50). Bad call on the name, continuing to go by Cody Canada, even though you’re from Texas. Instinctively, we thought this was a Triumph cover band. Still, anyone who uses an early ’50s Hudson in their press photo can’t be all bad. (more…)

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